Not for the faint of heart

As I’ve followed along with many journeys toward adoption, I have often heard people say, “Adoption is not for the faint of heart.” I wonder if it is equally accurate to say, “Parenting is not for the faint of heart.” From miscarriages to morning sickness to troubling blood tests or strange ultra-sounds, the process of having a baby can, at times, be daunting. So can adopting a child.

Seth’s process, all things considered, was pretty easy. I found out in September that his birth mom had selected me to parent Seth. She was due 6-8 weeks later, and I was excited! I don’t often take the time to recall the hard parts of that journey, but God walked with us through some real “stuff.” In October, just a couple of weeks before Seth was due, one of the potential birth fathers for Seth called the agency and told them that he wanted the baby. The agency provided him with all of the information he would need to establish paternity and then seek custody of the baby. When the agency called to tell me this, I was devastated. I had already attached with this little boy who I never met; already held him in my arms; already bonded. Weeks passed and Seth was born. We didn’t hear back from the young man who believed he could be Seth’s father. Seth came home with me.

As the adoption proceeded, we published notice for any potential fathers, including that one, and didn’t hear back from anyone. Seth’s adoption was scheduled to be finalized in June, over six months after I took custody. Things seemed to be moving along great. I was on an extended maternity leave and loving every minute with my little boy. In April, the mother of the would-be father called the agency again. She told Noreen (the social worker) that she was sorry for the adoption placement, but that they wanted the baby and were going to hire an attorney to get him. Noreen listened and told her to proceed as she saw fit. After Noreen called me, I called my attorney, hysterical. Seth was no longer a hypothetical son; he was my son. My attorney told me that it would be difficult, but not impossible, for the father to disrupt at this point. We decided together that we would finalize the adoption as early as possible under the law, effectively moving up the date by two weeks. At the same time, I felt completely distant from Seth. I couldn’t hold him; I couldn’t even look at him. My mom was out of town and dad came right over to encourage me. It was very hard to continue to bond given the state of the adoption at that moment. But after a time, I did. And about 6 weeks later, a judge declared Seth to be a “Steiner” forever. AMEN!

I’m sharing this mostly as a reminder to myself. A reminder that God remains on His throne and cares about His orphans. I got an email from my Ugandan attorney today. None of the police officers agreed to sign the proposed declarations. Not one. I have no idea why and I don’t know what it means. Could a judge declare Betty “unadoptable” despite not having parents for years? My attorney said, “don’t worry; we are working on the problem” but I have little peace about it. See, like Seth, Betty is already in my arms and already in my heart. She is giggling with Seth and tormenting Maggie. She is my daughter. So here we are (again) trusting that God will care about Betty more than I ever could. Trusting that God will work through the legal system to get Betty to a place where she can receive the care she desperately needs. Trusting….

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence."
- Jeremiah 17:7

Nursery fit for a Princess

I wasn't planning to do it.  And then the restlessness and nesting took over and I did it.  Sigh.  Yep.  Leah Grace will have her "own" nursery when she gets here.  Here's a little look at Seth's nursery when he came home. 

Cute, right?  Farm animals and gender neutral because I didn't know who might be joining us when I set it up.  :)  This time around, I know who's coming and I know that she is a little spunky Ugandan princess.  So here's the nursery this time:

Also cute, right?  You can feel free to tell me it's cute, even if you don't think so.  Ha.  Poor Maggie has lost her room again.  Seth's big boy room used to be Maggie's room.  And then Seth grew up.  So Maggie moved to the nursery.  Last night, as I was rearranging and preparing a space for Leah, Maggie gave me this look.

So sorry Mags.  I moved her chair to my bedroom and hope that she will join me there and not feel too marginalized.  Poor first born.

Still praying for October! 

Welcome!

Welcome to our new blog!  While it was "fun" to post on Seth's blog and separately on my writing blog, it will be more fun (and make a lot more sense!) to have ONE blog.  :)  So this is it!  Seth will probably still post some of his thoughts and feelings.... it will be obvious when it's him and when it's me.  Ha.  And maybe sometime soon we'll hear from Leah Grace as well.  Here's hopin'! 

This blog was designed by my friend Lisa whose blog you can see here and whose web page creating blog is a button in the margin.  Cool, right? 

Anyway, here we all are -- Chosen.  :-)  Welcome aboard!

Why adopt?

I was recently reading a blog (imagine that) and one particular statement stuck out to me. The author said something along the lines of the following:
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"Saving" or "rescuing" an orphan happens in an instant; parenting an orphan lasts a lifetime.
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I love that. It is important to give orphans a home, but removing them from their circumstances is only the first, small step in the process. See, it's easy to fall in love with a face or a dream. It's much harder to recognize that signing up is a lifelong commitment! And what fun that adventure can be! It's these faces that make it all worth it.

But for those who cannot or choose not to adopt, there are soooo many ways to care for orphans. Won't you consider the alternatives? Support a friend who is adopting -- financially or with prayer or simply with logistics. Sponsor an orphan overseas (see two posts below for one option). Help out a foster parent down the street. Take food to a single mama who is overwhelmed. Volunteer at a shelter for women and children. And perhaps most importantly, teach your children. Teach them that caring for the world around them is God's command for all of us. No matter what form it takes. "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans." Isaiah 1:17.

Seth and Betty

Seth and I have been talking about Betty for a month or so now. Since Seth is a "new" talker, it is fun to hear him try to express himself around non-concrete topics, like Betty.
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A couple of days ago, Seth came into my bedroom and asked, "Where's Betty?" As he did so, he pointed to my dresser mirror, which currently looks like this:

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I asked, "Where is Betty?" And Seth said, "Yes, Betty." I said, "Well, Betty is in Uganda. That's why we pray for her to come home. Betty lives in Uganda." At that, Seth stopped and got a funny look on his face. A couple seconds later, he asked, "Uganda truck?" What, you might be wondering, is he talking about and what do trucks have to do with Betty? Ha. Easy explanation. I got Seth a truck in Uganda and we called it "Uganda Truck."

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So, somewhere is my sweet son's mind, Betty is living in this truck or near this truck or is related to this truck. See, I'm not sure he has any idea what "Uganda" is or that it is a place! I love watching him try to wrap his brain around these things. And, yes, Lord, let's get Betty out of the truck and into our house. Soon!!!

My niece, Kathryn

We were in Maryland with my sister's family last weekend. It was a great time for Seth with his cousins and family. We had such a blast!

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Shortly after the Betty discussions started in our family, I heard that Kathryn, my 13 year old niece, had a "presentation" for me, related to Betty. Hmmm. This weekend, while I was there, I got to see the presentation. But before we talk about that, here's a bit about Kathryn.

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I adore all my nieces and nephews. They are all so unique and special and have a ton of character. :) Kathryn is brilliant and excels at everything she does. She plays soccer and manages to get invited to every cool event -- including the Presidential inauguration. Hello?!?!? Kathryn has long said that she wants to and intends to attend Princeton. I have no doubt that she will do it.

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So there's the background. Kathryn's presentation was all about why I should take her to Uganda with me when we go get Betty. As you can see, she is a bit nervous here in the beginning.

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The poster was very impressive!

Can you see the thought bubble?

It says there, "Do you see Betty's big smile in the picture? It's because she was thinking about her new cousin that she NEEDS to see as soon as possible." Oh brother!

Kathryn and Seth definitely have a special bond.

On that point, she is right. :)

Kathryn's presentation addressed concerns:

She is thinking through the thought of being gone from school.

Eighth grade is serious business these days!

Kathryn took the initiative to look up Princeton's application process and decided this trip would be the perfect essay. Oy vey.....

Isn't she adorable?

I do believe she thought of everything!

I just had to end where we began. Hahahaha!

I loved Kit's presentation. The bottom line, however, is that it is not up to me. Her parents have to decide whether it makes sense for her to miss school (which is a big deal) and how they feel about disease potential etc. (also serious). I told Kathryn I would gladly take her, IF her dad says it is okay. I did challenge her, however, to have some skin in the game. I told her that if she is allowed to go, I want her to raise $500 to buy supplies and necessities for the people we will see in Uganda. Suffice it to say that I raised this issue and her eyes LIT UP. Kathryn loves a challenge and her mom and I could see the wheels start turning the minute I mentioned it.

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So here's hoping that Kathryn can join the fun. It would be life altering for her, for sure. And stay tuned for additional posts, pending parental approval, about Kathryn's wild fund-raising successes. Gooooo Uganda!

Guess what?!?!?!

This precious little girl . . . .

. . . . With eyes that speak volumes . . . .

. . . . Is Betty . . . .

And, WE ARE ADOPTING BETTY!!!!!!

HIV and Development

Last night, while I'm typically emailing with Betty's agency at 2 in the morning, I got an email with her measurements, which I had requested. She is 19 months old and just 28 inches tall and 22 pounds. While she is chubby for her very short height, she's a tiny thing! I looked up the growth percentage charts and she is in the 3% range, which I'm guessing is not uncommon for kiddos in an orphanage and certainly not unusual for HIV positive babes. I wonder if there is a different growth chart for Ugandans? (They are shorter on the whole, I noticed....)

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Anyway, I'm reading a new book called "Red Letters -- Living a Faith That Bleeds." Tom Davis wrote it. There was an interesting section on HIV that I read yesterday and thought I would share:

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"The following are blatant lies about HIV: You can contract HIV by sitting on a toilet seat. You can get HIV from a water fountain or from someone else's saliva. (You'd have to drink a five-gallon bucket's worth of spit to stand a chance. Any takers?) Only homosexuals or drug users get AIDS. You can tell by looking at people if they're infected by HIV. Debunking lies is easy. The truth, on the other hand, is not. Yes, the majority of people with HIV got it through sexual contact or because of drug use. But does that make them less worthy of compassion? It seems as if we have taken a hands-off approach to this disease because people classify it, at best, as a dirty disease and, at worst, as a curse from God. But how might Jesus have responded to AIDS?

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Obviously, AIDS is a new disease, not something Jesus would have encountered when He walked this earth. He did, however, encounter leprosy, which was considered a dirty disease at the time. Sure, there are some differences, but let's not get tripped up by that. Take a moment to look at leprosy. It doesn't require a time machine to see what it's like -- leprosy is still with us today . . .

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[When encountering leprosy] Jesus didn't walk on the other side of the road. He didn't scrunch up his face in disgust or withhold his hand. He reached out with love and compassion."

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Aren't we called to do the same?

Betty and the Doctor

Last week, Betty's doctors wrote me somewhat of a nasty email informing me that they would "absolutely not" provide me with her medical records to "decide" whether to adopt her. I can be sensitive and the truth is, it hurt my feelings a bit. But that's okay. I graciously responded that I intended no harm to Betty -- in fact, I care about her quite a lot. My intention in seeing the records was to understand the full scope of her issues. Not to be unfair to her.

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In any event, my Ugandan attorney had suggested from the beginning that I hire a doctor to evaluate Betty, so that's what I did. On Monday, Betty met with "my" pediatrician. The doctor reported that Betty is in good health and is developing normally. Praise God! She has dermatitis (which she had when I was there) and because of this visit, she is getting medicine! Yippee!! She also has an upper respiratory infection, which made me think: hey, that's going around over there too?

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All of that to say, things look good with Betty. Next up, chat with infectious disease doctor and meeting with my sister. :) Almost there! (Decision time, that is....)

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"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5: 6-7

Lunch with my dad

Yesterday, my dad came downtown on the train to have lunch with me. I'll be honest and tell you that I had some fears about what I must have done wrong to deserve this visit. It's kind of a family joke that when dad asks you to lunch or dinner..... watch out! As it turns out, we had a very nice lunch talking about a whole host of things, not the least of which are my next adoption and Betty.

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Dad asked me some hard questions about Betty, but nothing I haven't already asked myself in this process. For example, if you want to adopt again, why intentionally sign up for a special needs child? I think it is an imminently fair question and here is my answer. I have always known that I would adopt. Since I was a young girl, knowing and understanding the stories of my brothers, I have wanted to adopt. I never thought I would do it alone, as a single person, until the process of adopting Seth began. Back in 2007, I was very specific that I wanted a normal, healthy child because I am a single mom. God gave me Seth. What I have learned through Seth is that I have the capacity to deal with special needs and that maybe I'm gifted in that area. I look at it this way: There is a universe of people who want to have children. It's large. Most people do. Some small percentage of those people are open to adoption and do adopt. Of those limited numbers of people who adopt, there is an even smaller sub-set who will consider adopting a child with special needs. I think, as it turns out, that I'm in that group of people. By the way, if you had told me that five years ago, I would have laughed you out of town. Soooo not me! God can do strange things like that....

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See, the HIV thing doesn't intimidate me any more. Yes, I want to see Betty's medical records and I want to sit with an infectious disease doctor and understand all that we are facing. But I've moved past the HIV in my decision to a place of wondering how Seth will react and whether Betty and I will bond and what her personality is really like. (Hard to tell in 3 hours of being together). That's all about an adoption of a child that's not a newborn. I got used to the Seth situation -- bringing him home from the hospital spoiled me! We've been together from the beginning. And the beginning with Betty will look different. I'm trying to wrap my brain around that!

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Despite my questions that remain, God has been swinging wide the doors for me to run through thus far. I believe that when we pray for clarity, we had better keep track of the answers that come! So here's my list, so far. From meeting Betty in Uganda to today. . . .

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May 19 Met Betty

May 20 Spent two hours with Betty

May 22 Ugandan attorney says Betty's adoption can be fast

May 24 Home to Chicago

May 25 Pediatrician tells me that HIV is "just another chronic disease"

May 25 Email Betty's orphanage

May 28 Orphanage responds to my email (yahoo!)

June 1 Orphanage agrees to provide Betty's medical records

June 1 Set up time to meet with Adoption Link re home study

June 1 Email attorney who responded immediately with checklist for adoption

June 2 Visit to neurologist to have nerve/muscle test. Clear results!

June 2 Med student at appointment calls HIV "chronic disease"

June 7 Email Lisa (mom of HIV child)

June 7 Lisa responds immediately with a very encouraging email!

June 7 Email orphanage for request of picture of Betty

June 8 Received photos of Betty (YIPPEE!!)

June 8 Update of Home Study

June 8 Learn that Infectious Disease doctor will start adoption clinic 10 minutes from our home

June 8 Spoke to Beth (doctor) re HIV and very encouraged. She notes that HIV is a "chronic disease." Catching a theme here?

June 9 Spoke to Linn, who also encouraged me!

June 9-10 Emailed over and over with the orphanage in the wee hours of the night. :-)

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Lord, I am so thankful for your goodness and mercy. Please continue to lead and guide me through this decision. And, Lord, protect Betty. Keep her healthy and safe. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

And then there was the freak out

I knew it would come. I knew that I was a little bit in la-la land. And this morning, it hit. The freak out. I figured if I was going to write about God’s victories on this blog, I had better write about the challenges I face as well.

I slept good last night – long and without waking up. But when I did wake up, I was agitated. Too many thoughts rummaging around my head and causing doubt, fear and panic. I wonder what in the world I’m thinking with Betty. What if we don’t bond? What if she gets AIDS? What if I can’t afford her medicine during her life? What if she dies? What if Seth doesn’t like her? What if my relationship with Seth changes? What if, what if, what if, what if…..

Then there was the sadness, again. Why am I still single? Wouldn’t this all be easier with a hubby for me and a daddy for my kiddos? What in the world is God thinking? And why not me? So many others, but why not me? I’m tired of this issue. Really tired. Tired of thinking about it, worrying about it, and being saddened by it. And yet, I’d love to bat these issues around with my husband, like so many of my friends get to. I’d love to hear his thoughts, concerns, and worries. His faith and love and support. All of it. I’m ready to not make decisions like whether to adopt Betty by myself. Past ready.

So, the wrestling and waiting and the questioning, confirming, accepting and moving has arrived. I have a few months to make sure I’m sure about this decision and any other adoption related decisions I have to make. I’m just going to pray the decision is clear as the day is long. Bring it, Lord. Your holy clarity. Come Holy Spirit, come.

The Journey to Betty

I have never been a journal writer. I’ve oft started and failed to write on a daily basis. After a hard season last summer, I started to write on my blogs – first Seth’s blog (on rare occasions) and then in December, here. Since returning from Uganda, it has been fun for me to look back and notice how God is really working on me, in some significant areas! I can see His footprints throughout my thoughts and feelings and challenges. (Maybe there's something to this journaling thing....) I have seen, as I look back, how God is refining me through my trials, something I haven’t ever really had the chance to experience so outright in my life, before now.

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Last August, when I was grieving a broken relationship, I was forced to remember God’s faithfulness, through Seth. I wrote, of my fears about Seth, the following:

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“At some point, I collapsed and could finally hear God. . . . As if He spoke directly into my soul, God reminded me that whatever issues Seth may have (insert list of "horribles") God will be with us. If we have to have tests and surgeries, God will be there. If we have times of struggle, God will be there too. When I feel like I can't do it as a single mom, God will step in. "I will never leave you nor forsake you," He said.”

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And shortly after that realization, I was reminded that God has a Plan, for all us – even our children, and that His plan will be okay. I know that sounds funny, but truly, it will be okay! I wrote this:

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“During the home study process, I was very open to whatever child God would have for me. Or so I thought. I'd take any race. Any age. Boy or girl. Any exposure to drugs and maybe even alcohol. But I was very specific that I could not handle and did not want a special needs child. I am single after all, I rationalized to my social worker, and if God has called me to adopt, surely He doesn't want it to be THAT hard for me. Hmmm. Interesting statements I made. See, God gave me a special needs baby despite my view of my own limitations. God gave me Seth with all of his glorious and, at times, painful issues. And I adore him. And I wouldn't change one thing about him. Not one. That's the definition of unconditional love. Sure, Seth's life is going to be a little more challenging than some other kids. . . . . But God is with him. God is with us. He's using Seth's "stuff" for our good and I pray every day that Seth would put his lessons through these trials to Kingdom use one day. God putting Seth in my life (a special needs child and the one thing I thought I couldn't handle) taught me that God knows and understands what we need better than we can ever know. God knows our deepest needs, our deepest desires, and the sum total of what we can handle. God knows.”

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Then, in December, I decided to launch my second adoption journey. Despite having learned these lessons about God and how He is using Seth for our good and His kingdom, I found myself praying for a “normal” child, without special needs of any kind. Perhaps unsurprisingly, as I look back, God put the adoption on hold.

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On January 11, God called me to pray for Seth, in his room. You may remember this post for while I prayed, God reminded me that "Seth is enough."

(http://conceivedinprayer.blogspot.com/2010/01/promptings.html )

At the time, I believed God was telling me Seth is enough, as my only child, and I was sad. It later became clear to me, however, that God had a different plan.

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As I continued to petition God about my life and my second child and this adoption, God and I had many good conversations. Here’s what I learned in those conversations:

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“As I talked to God about my hopes for more children and His promises to give me the desires of my heart and his command to care for orphans, interestingly, what I did not hear was the "no" I've been hearing. Instead God and I ended up talking about Seth's special needs and the potential special needs of a second child. More specifically, God pointed out to me in a clear way that I'm really afraid of having another child who has needs equal to or even greater than Seth.”

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I also said (and this is the amazing part):

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“See, when Noreen called about that first baby, it was pretty easy for me to look at that baby (figuratively) and say NO. But that baby, like all other orphans, needs a home too. Who is going to be the mother to the drug addicted? Who will parent the disabled? Who will love the baby with AIDS? Maybe, just maybe, God needs to work on my heart a little more before He allows me to proceed into this second adoption.”

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And, last but not least, God explained his “Seth is enough” comment. Seth, with all of his issues, is enough -- A beautiful child of my heart who I adore and would never want to change. My next child, no matter what his or her issues are, will be enough! My realization led to this:

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“God and I are in this parenting thing together and whatever issues come up, we can handle them. If God gives me another special needs child, OKAY. If God gives me a VERY special needs child? OKAY! See maybe God isn't saying no to this adoption after all, but is working on me and my heart to understand that Seth is enough, with his issues, and the next baby will also be enough no matter what comes.”

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That was January 27. But that wasn’t the end. I couldn’t pull my adoption “off the shelf” throughout the spring. I just didn’t feel like God had given me the go ahead. The answer was still, “wait.” And a lot of that had to do with my health. Do I think God allowed me to feel crummy so I wouldn’t go forward with an adoption before I met Betty? I don’t know, but maybe. In my flesh, I wanted to proceed in February and probably would have my second wee one by now. But that’s not how it happened. Instead, I was on hold until my trip to Uganda, and now I see all kinds of green lights from God – every shade of the rainbow! I just need to catch up and make sure my heart is right! I don’t want to enter into this flippantly or without caution or on a whim. I intend to worship God with my heart, soul, and mind. And then, I will run. :-)

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One more thing. You may remember that I was on a search for the verse of the journey when this blog began. I couldn't find one I loved, so we used Seth's: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer." Still love that verse. (Rom. 12:12) Well, this morning, through an amazing Word at our church, I have the new verse -- a good word whether Seth and I go forward alone or if Betty (or some other second child) joins us: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5: 6-7.

Where we are

It is hard to believe I've been back for ten days already. I still feel a little bit like a stranger in a foreign land, but that feeling is subsiding. (Not thrilled about that...)

Seth and I have been praying for Betty. It is very cute to hear Seth say, "Betty." He has no idea he's talking about a munchkin half-way around the world and just one short year younger than he is! (Probably a good thing for now -- ha).

Here's the Betty update: I am in touch with her orphanage. They are being completely cooperative and are compiling her medical records for my review. I hope to have those next week and sit with an infectious disease doctor soon. I am also in touch with my Ugandan attorney who gave me a list of things I need to complete the adoption. If you saw my post entitled, "Ugandan Adoptions" you may wonder how this would work. Since Betty is positive, we would petition the Ugandan court for adoption rather than guardianship and, based on past experience, given Betty's health stuff, they will grant the adoption request. With an adoption order in hand, there is no issue getting a visa from the US embassy as Betty would be ours.

I looked back at my previous posts where I said Betty could be home in a few weeks. Hmm. True from Uganda's perspective, but not the US! I spoke to the agency who did my home study and we have to tweak it for an International adoption and then get DCFS to issue an International license (I'm apparently approved for domestic children but not International. Go figure). Then the USCIS approval. That was a little frustrating to hear but I know God wants to give me some time to have my heart and my family's hearts ready for this new challenge. So bring on the wait! Looks more like Fall now. In the meantime, I have my last meeting for the home study on Monday (no wait there!). And we can proceed in Uganda so that as soon as the US is ready, I will have the adoption order in Uganda! God is opening some doors, and fast.

On that note, as I've considered bringing home Betty, it has caused me to think about my health too and whether/how this makes sense. I'm doing immensely better and am sooo grateful for your many, many prayers. Some weirdness lingers so, on Wednesday, I called my neurologist to see if we could run one more test to put my brain at ease. Low and behold he had an opening SAME DAY. I went that afternoon, spent an hour, and BAM. I'm totally normal. Yippee! So another thing checked off my list. Praise the Lord!

There are many strange and marvelous things happening in this second adoption journey and, as soon as I think I know how it will "end" (begin) God continues to make clear that He's in control, not me. So I'm trusting that whatever He has for us is His best. Thank God for the peace I have in that!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Hmmm

I spend most of my days, now, getting ready for Uganda and dreaming about what this long-awaited trip might hold for me. Mom told me a few days ago that it has been more like 25 years since I first expressed a passion about Africa. So, this has been a long time coming!

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I have been a lawyer for 12 years. That just seems weird to me. It doesn't seem nearly that long. And as I explained to a friend over lunch today, I've had a wild ride of a career. I started as a Federal Prosecutor shortly after I finished law school -- Federal jury trials, investigations, appellate arguments, working with agents. It was a whirlwind of a great job! Then it was off to the newly created Inspector General's office where I was the number two in an office of (eventually) 46 employees, conducting investigations around the State and advising the Governor. After that, I joined Latham (my current firm) where I work on criminal defense and internal investigations for companies. All around, another great position.

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But over these 12 years, I've often felt my heart being drawn toward other things. Toward non-profit work or back to government work. Something that matters. Something that makes a difference. That journey led me to International Justice Mission (IJM) which is based in DC. You can check them out here: http://www.ijm.org/. It's a great organization with many lawyers who share my background! I've applied a couple of times for positions in DC and was told they really want me to go overseas for a couple of years first. (Darn, I thought, I'm not called to move overseas!)

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As my heart has been more and more pricked by God on these topics, I've become more open to other opportunities. I always keep my eye on IJM and what openings they have -- just in case.

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So yesterday, I was at my desk and thinking, "Hmm. I haven't checked up on IJM lately. I should see what openings they currently have. I wonder if they work in Uganda. If they had a posting for an attorney in Uganda, that might just be a God thing." I went to the website, and BAM. There, staring me in the face, is a posting for a Deputy Director in Uganda. Immediate opening. Hmmm.

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I'm not even sure where to put that or what to say about it, but I'm starting to pray now. I can create my list of reasons why I "can't" move to Uganda (or anywhere out of the country) and some of the reasons are good -- like our family is here and Seth needs to be close with Grandma and Papa. That's just the first in a long list.... But I also know God is bigger than all of that so I'm trying to trust that His plan is better and we'll see where it all goes.

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Lead on, Spirit, lead on.

Prayers for Health!

Linn at A Place Called Simplicity has called for a Crazy love party based on prayer. http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/ (The first party was meeting people's financial needs. Boy was that fun!). I couldn't pass up the chance to participate. Who doesn't need prayer???

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I haven't felt well for too many months. I've seen loads of docs and tried a myriad of fixes. And I must say that today I feel better than I did in a few months ago. Thank God!! But still it lingers.... Unfortunately, I had to put my (second) adoption on hold until I feel better. Not feeling well has also brought about a fair amount of anxiety about what's wrong with me and why it won't stop. I've spent a lot of time in prayer, and God and I have had some good talks about that!! More trust in Him. More surrender of my "stuff". More of You, less of me, Lord.

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I know my prayer request isn't the most interesting out there but it's awful to feel lousy for so long -- particularly when you're a single mama!! I would love to tell our adoption agency that I'm ready to start the process for our second baby by June (or sooner). Would you pray I'm healthy and full of energy by that time? I'm humbled by your willingness to consider my heart's cry.

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If you want to read more about Seth and me you can see his story at http://conceivedinprayer.blogspot.com/2010/03/seths-journey-home.html and my prayer for the second one at http://conceivedinprayer.blogspot.com/2009/12/great-adventure.html

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I'm also committing to pray for anyone who is praying for us. So in your comments, please leave a request and it will be covered in prayer by me for at least a month.

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Last, let's all pray for Linn and Dwight. They are blessing sooo many of us (far more than the 1000+ followers). Pray for Jubilee's surgery and for their upcoming trip to Uganda and for the next children to come.

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"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" 1 John 5:14-15.

Obstacles

I had the immense pleasure to spend a few hours with some fellow adoptive moms on Friday. What fun to share our hearts for children and adoption and God! As we closed our time together, we spent some time in prayer for each other and for orphans. One of the things that struck me as we prayed was that each of us had encountered and is encountering obstacles to our adoptions. One of my friends mentioned that she believes that the enemy is so bent on thwarting adoptions, that he throws these obstacles in our paths. She might be on to something . . .

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See, one of us has a spouse who isn't quite ready for another adoption. Another had an agency tell her family it could not adopt a sibling group. (HUH?!?!?) Another of us has extended family throwing up road blocks. All of us have financial stumbling blocks, delayed court dates, address changes, timing issues. I have health issues causing a delay, and the list goes on and on. All of these obstacles can be overcome, and Lord willing, WILL be overcome. But sitting around that table, listening to my dear friends talk about our shared passion, I realized how important it is that we are holding one another up in prayer. The enemy doesn't want us to adopt. The enemy wants us weak and uncourageous. I refuse to accept that! It makes me want to follow even more adoption blogs than I already read (as if I have more time) because I want to be able to pray for all of those families who are trusting the Lord's call to adopt. Lord, free us all to proceed!

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My time with the girls also helped me have another realization. I've sat around for the last few years feeling jealous of my married friends who have families of adopted and biological kids -- for that's what I always wanted for myself: A big family of all kinds of kids from all sorts of countries! And yes, I've been jealous. I've begged forgiveness from the jealousy and turned from it over and over, but it sometimes creeps back in and gets me. Here's the realization I had: I AM one of those families. I have nothing to be jealous of because I fit quite perfectly into my circle of adopted family friends. Praise God! Sure, my family looks a little different than some others, and we pray might look different still in a few years, but I am an adoptive family and look like the picture I always hoped and dreamed to have. Duh!

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So praise God for blessings and for friends. And praise Him even for obstacles, which drop us to our knees in total submission to Him. Lord, loose the obstacles for families world wide who are adopting. Let them move quickly forward in perfect submission to your plan for the orphan. Amen.

Personal Update

I started this blog back in late December to kick off our wait for baby number two in our family. I remain excited about that prospect and continue to dream of the laughter of siblings in our home. I put that adoption on hold when I felt like God and I had some unfinished business to discuss prior to going forward. There are plenty of postings on that whole topic! At this point, I think I’ve worked through all of my little (or big) issues and that I have a green light from God to adopt a second child, except for one thing: I need to make certain that my health is really on the right foot before I can proceed because being a single mama doesn’t really afford you the opportunity to rest much! (And I know that parenting with a hubby doesn’t either…..) While I have good days and bad days and I’ve been feeling progressively better overall, I’m not quite there yet. My hope had been that by March 1 I could press go, but it wasn’t time yet. Now I’m hoping for May 1. What a nice spring/summer blessing that would be!

Thanks so much to all of you who are asking about it and praying for us and baby number two, whenever s/he will arrive. I’m still excited; I’m still energized when I think of it; I still believe it’s God’s call for me. It’s just time to wait on Him and be obedient. Pray on warriors!

My sister

For the record, here in front of everyone, I adore my sister, Lisa. She is awesome and I'm not sure she will ever really know how much I look up to her, admire her, respect her and, yes, envy her. So when I shared about my adoption and I could tell she was unsettled about it, that was hard.

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When we finally had the chance to talk, after I was already into the process of things, I was able to hear Lisa's questions and not feel threatened or attacked by them. Her primary question was this: God has not given you a husband. True. Can't argue with that. :-) Do you think that by adopting without a husband you are forcing God's will toward what you want rather than waiting on Him? Good question. And we had a great conversation about it, although I can't now remember the specifics of everything we discussed. Ha. But here is what I think now and I've written about this before.

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I believe God has not made us robots. He has given us free will, a mind, and allows us real choice. I also think that the belief behind Lisa's question can lead to a slippery slope that she doesn't intend like this: if you believe God is going to heal you, why do you see the doctor? Or, if you're not able to get pregnant, why are you using fertility drugs? Or, why are you using birth control? Or, why are you doing on-line dating when God could bring "the man" to your door? That thinking leads to a passive Christian life of waiting for things to happen to you rather than fully embracing faith-filled freedom in Christ. That's not the life I want to live. Further, God commands us to care for widows and orphans, and I'm all about that!

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Don't get me wrong. I think there is an opposite slippery slope to be heeded and it looks like this: as long as it isn't prohibited in scripture, I can do whatever I want. So I'm going to adopt ten kids on my own and ignore any Godly wisdom that might be shared with me. Um, danger danger!! I think what made my conversation with Lisa so beautiful and the reason why the specifics of it don't matter is that we got to hear each other's heart. I heard her pain over my pain of not having the spouse I desired, and her wisdom about waiting on the Lord. And she heard me sharing that the adoption option was not a flippant decision on my part to fill some kind of purported void. But was a call and spirit led and God ordained and carefully planned. Something she could stand behind. So by the time the call was over, I think she was on board.

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Now, she's even more on board, I think, and oh how Seth loves his Aunt eee-sah!!! So does his mama. :-)

The Miracle of Adoption

There are a couple of things about adoption that I find particularly challenging. Nothing to do with Seth or how I feel about Seth, but more how society wants to view us. Or the box they want to throw us in.

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It is not uncommon for me to be asked by a stranger (most of my friends know better) whether I hope to have children "of my own" one day. Um, I do have a child of my own. His name is Seth, he's standing right in front of you, and he isn't deaf! "How rude," I think to myself. And yet, I smile and say something like, "Seth is my own" or "Are you asking whether I'd like biological children?" Or I ignore them entirely. Depends on my mood, I guess.

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See, the miracle of adoption is that Seth is 100 % mine. All in. Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. I remember my mom telling me many times growing up that she had created birth stories for my brothers, in her mind. And David was adopted when he was two and a half years old! I get that now. I had a gestation period with Seth. I loved him before he was born. I loved him the moment I saw him. He is "my own".

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It also amazes me how your life becomes everyone else's business when you adopt -- at least in a conspicuous family like ours. Strangers are regularly trying to figure us out. Am I married to an African-American man? Is Seth biracial? (He is, by the way). This results in interesting comments from strangers like "he has your mouth" or other things designed (I think) to elicit an explanation from me. They generally don't get one. Sometimes they get a "Oh, do you think so?" Or, when I'm feeling sassy, "He has his dad's eyes" (hee hee) or a polite smile. But I feel no obligation to share Seth's story with a stranger. It is his and mine to share with those we love and trust. Period.

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So in case you're wondering, Seth is my own. :-) He is my son -- not my "adopted son." He is bone of my bone. And yes. Sometimes I hope to have biological children but most days I'm quite content that adoption was my first and maybe my last choice. Because there is nothing better than being a mama -- however that comes about.

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"Her children rise up and call her blessed." Prov. 31:28

Divine Appointments

I'm in Minnesota. For work (bleh). On the short flight up here, I wrote four blog posts. Work out for my thumbs!! Ha ha. And now, I'm in the hotel room with one more to go. :)

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So I got off the plane and into a cab. I quickly learned that my driver was very friendly and had a thick accent. I too was feeling friendly. (Unusual. You may not know I'm kind of shy and prefer writing here to talking!). Anyway, I asked the driver where he was born. (I learned the hard way years ago not to ask "where are you from?" because, um, the answer is Minneapolis as much as it is Chicago for me!). "Ethiopia," answered the driver. Ahhh. Now we have something to discuss!

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I asked him when he came to the states, if he had returned to Ethiopia since moving here, and what he thought about America. He was very open, so I went for it: "what do you think about adoptions from Ethiopia?" No hesitation. "I think it's great," he said. "The one concern I have is that the children might lose a connection with their home country." I told him I believed that adoptive families I knew were interested in preserving that culture for their kids. He loved that. We had a great discussion!

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Then we turned to the church. He was Presbyterian and now Lutheran and it was clear how important his faith is to him. Clear because he made it clear. And I made it equally clear. We talked about the church and how we've all gone astray and how there is only one thing that really matters: a personal relationship with Christ.

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What a gift to me on a dreaded work trip -- A God connection between two strangers who showed just a little bit of love for each other in a 20 minute ride from the airport. Isn't God cool?