Not for the faint of heart

As I’ve followed along with many journeys toward adoption, I have often heard people say, “Adoption is not for the faint of heart.” I wonder if it is equally accurate to say, “Parenting is not for the faint of heart.” From miscarriages to morning sickness to troubling blood tests or strange ultra-sounds, the process of having a baby can, at times, be daunting. So can adopting a child.

Seth’s process, all things considered, was pretty easy. I found out in September that his birth mom had selected me to parent Seth. She was due 6-8 weeks later, and I was excited! I don’t often take the time to recall the hard parts of that journey, but God walked with us through some real “stuff.” In October, just a couple of weeks before Seth was due, one of the potential birth fathers for Seth called the agency and told them that he wanted the baby. The agency provided him with all of the information he would need to establish paternity and then seek custody of the baby. When the agency called to tell me this, I was devastated. I had already attached with this little boy who I never met; already held him in my arms; already bonded. Weeks passed and Seth was born. We didn’t hear back from the young man who believed he could be Seth’s father. Seth came home with me.

As the adoption proceeded, we published notice for any potential fathers, including that one, and didn’t hear back from anyone. Seth’s adoption was scheduled to be finalized in June, over six months after I took custody. Things seemed to be moving along great. I was on an extended maternity leave and loving every minute with my little boy. In April, the mother of the would-be father called the agency again. She told Noreen (the social worker) that she was sorry for the adoption placement, but that they wanted the baby and were going to hire an attorney to get him. Noreen listened and told her to proceed as she saw fit. After Noreen called me, I called my attorney, hysterical. Seth was no longer a hypothetical son; he was my son. My attorney told me that it would be difficult, but not impossible, for the father to disrupt at this point. We decided together that we would finalize the adoption as early as possible under the law, effectively moving up the date by two weeks. At the same time, I felt completely distant from Seth. I couldn’t hold him; I couldn’t even look at him. My mom was out of town and dad came right over to encourage me. It was very hard to continue to bond given the state of the adoption at that moment. But after a time, I did. And about 6 weeks later, a judge declared Seth to be a “Steiner” forever. AMEN!

I’m sharing this mostly as a reminder to myself. A reminder that God remains on His throne and cares about His orphans. I got an email from my Ugandan attorney today. None of the police officers agreed to sign the proposed declarations. Not one. I have no idea why and I don’t know what it means. Could a judge declare Betty “unadoptable” despite not having parents for years? My attorney said, “don’t worry; we are working on the problem” but I have little peace about it. See, like Seth, Betty is already in my arms and already in my heart. She is giggling with Seth and tormenting Maggie. She is my daughter. So here we are (again) trusting that God will care about Betty more than I ever could. Trusting that God will work through the legal system to get Betty to a place where she can receive the care she desperately needs. Trusting….

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence."
- Jeremiah 17:7