Leaping Calves

 

Yes, this is how he plays it.

Don't judge.

I'm just glad he touches it!!! ;)

Seth at 4+

My "little" boy is getting bigger by the minute.

Sometimes, by the second.

And he's doing great.

Overall, Seth is succeeding in school.  He is learning and moving his way through the "work" of Montessori.  I'm proud of him.

He has friends and he likes his teacher.  Most days.

Seth has had some blips along the way and we've been trying to figure out what brings that out and why.  But somethings simply may not be known.  :)

One of the strange things about Seth -- pretty much since birth -- is that he doesn't like music or dancing or singing (especially by me).

I don't know if it's his sensory processing that makes it hard for him, but it has been difficult.

Lately, I've noticed a change.

He requests music (during our after-dinner-dance-party).

He wants it loud.

He dances.

He asks ME to dance.

We sing together.

Yes, this is basic stuff (as in, Leah does it all the time), but it is not basic for Seth.

And tonight?  My favorite.

He got an electric guitar out (one we've had f.o.r.e.v.e.r) and played it.

Over and over.

He strummed it and danced.

He asked me to do it too.

We sang and giggled.

And played.

The Lord is healing Seth; I just know it.

This weekend, at Created for Care, one of the speakers suggested that we ask God for a verse for each of our kids for the year.  And laminate it.  And pray it -- all year.

I prayed for Seth's verse and the word healing kept coming to mind.

So, for 2012, I chose Malachi 4:2.

"But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings.  You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall."

Oh, to see Seth leaping like a calf.

I can't wait!

He makes ALL things beautiful.... in His time.

Faithful God (Part 1)

In this most recent season of life, I'm learning more everyday about how God may see me and my faith (or lack of).  For example, when it's nearing bedtime, we often watch one TV show before we head up to bed.  I have heard myself tell Seth, "One 'Octonauts' and we are going up."  Not five minutes into the thirty minute show Seth is on my lap, back to the TV, begging me to watch two.  Or three.  He can't even watch the show that's on because he is so worried about what will happen in 30 minutes.  I've tried to explain to him that he's missing a gift by worrying about what's next but he can't get there.

Then today, I was getting a massage (time for some self-care).  I enjoyed the first 20-30 minutes and then I too became preoccupied about the massage ending.  I obsessed that it was almost over and how disappointed I would be.  (sigh)  I missed the gift!

Clearly, I have more to learn about living life right where I am instead of in the unknown and, at times, scary future:  Anxiety about a new job and providing for my kids.

 Faithful, forever You are faithful

Father to the fatherless
You uphold the one who feels forsaken
You are faithful, God

Anxiety about getting my kids into the right school district, which means selling our house and finding a new one -- all in the worst.market.ever.

Faithful, forever You are faithful
Lover of the wounded heart
You defend the poor and the forgotten
You are faithful, God

Persistent sadness over circumstances that need to be accepted and even embraced.

And I will sing to the maker of Heaven and Earth
God, You reign forever and Your will endure
Faithful and true is the name of the Lord
You are faithful, God

 Loneliness that God stands ready to salve, if only I'll let Him.

Faithful, forever You are faithful
Shelter for the fragile soul
You lift us up, You hold us all together
You are faithful, God

 Burdened by need around the world -- and particularly in Africa -- and what role my family can play.  Burdened and troubled by orphans needing families and families needing food.

You are there in every season of my soul
You are there, You're the anchor that will hold
You are there, in the valley of the shadows
You are faithful, God

YOU ARE FAITHFUL, GOD.

Thanks, Chris Tomlin, for the lyrics.

Dance Party

 

Pretend-ville

I'm Tired About That

The most recent "Seth-ism" is "I'm tired about that". He proclaims "I'm tired about that" whenever he's done. Like after we hit about six houses trick-or-treating at Halloween.  Or when I've lectured him for too long.  Or when he doesn't want to be obedient in a request from mom...  I'm tired about that.

Like the "why's", I've realized that I'm also tired about a lot of things. I'm tired of looking for a job. I'm tired of living "alone."  I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of feeling lonely. I'm tired of cleaning, organizing and decorating this house I want to sell. I'm tired of inconsiderate people.  I'm tired of fretting about finances. I'm tired of worrying about preschools for my kids. I'm tired of theology. I'm tired of subtle (and not so subtle) racism. I'm tired of politics and presidential races. I'm tired of health issues, behavior issues and life issues.  I'm tired of injustice, hatred and selfishness. I'm just tired.

Some might say that I'm in a funk. And maybe I am. But I think it goes deeper than that. There is a part of me that is, quite simply, longing for Home. Because let's face it:  this life can be hard. Really hard.  And unfair. And exhausting.  Most of those things aren't going to change anytime soon -- at least the ones that aren't temporal.  We are all broken and we get in each others way with our brokenness. All the time. 

So until I get replenished (Lord, soon) I'm tired. And I'm waiting for our Lord to save us from each other. And ourselves. Come, Lord Jesus, come.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Two on the Second

I recently saw a cool idea.

Since I have two kiddos, each month I will take a picture of the two of them, on the second of the month.  Then, in December, I will have 12 pics of my babies from the whole year.  Nice....

Although I'm late this month, here is our first 2 for 2.

 

Let's be honest.  Many pictures (particularly of toddlers) are posed.  We say, "give him a hug" or "stand by each other" or "SMILE!"

This one?  Not so much.

I was cooking lunch and heard a little something happening in the tent behind me.

When I peeked through the roof, I saw Leah, settled into Seth's lap and Seth reading her a book.  

Oh my total preciousness....

I think they like each other.

Finally.

Why? Why? WHY???

We are in the thick of the why's over here. It is driving me nuts. I mean, it can be the most basic and obvious thing that starts the "why" and then it can go on forever. Not.even.kidding. It is exhausting and the truth is, many times there is no good answer. Picture this: 

No, you may not have more yogurt. 

Why? 

Because you just had one. 

Why? 

Because you were hungry. 

Why? 

Because you skipped lunch. 

Why? 

Because you were tired. 

Why? 

Because it was nap time. 

Why? 

Because we sleep in the afternoon. 

Why?  

Because I said so. 

Why? 

Because I'm the mom. 

Why? 

Because God made me the mom. 

Why? 

Because He is the boss and He's brilliant. 

Why?

*insert head exploding* 

We aren't doing why's any more.

Why???

Do you feel my pain?  I'm ready for this stage to be over!

And then I think about my faith walk. I "why" the Creator of the Universe all.the.time.

Why do young husbands and fathers die? 

Why can't I have the job I want? 

Why can't I have it NOW?

Why does Seth have to have issues?

Why haven't you completely healed him?

Why is his teacher so angry about it?

Why am I still single? 

Why did the hopeful relationship fail, again?

Why hasn't anyone chosen ME?

Why won't my house sell?

Why won't they drop their price on the one I want?

Why do I keep losing great houses to timing?

Why are people mean?

Why am I lonely?

Why are children starving and why can't I "really" help?

Why won't my brother believe?

Why???

Wah.

I'm exhausted just thinking about how God must feel. But I must also confess that after 41 (gulp) years of unanswered Why's, my expectations have changed. While I hope to sell my house, a huge part of me wonders if it will really happen. While I'd love to get married, I've pretty much written that one off. A new job sounds great but again, my expectations are low. I'm guarded. That's the bottom line.

But that's not scriptural, is it?   What does God say about guarding our hopes, prayers, desires, needs, wants?

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."  Matthew 7:7

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us...."  Ephesians 3:20  [More than I ask or even think????  Wow....]

"And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."  Matthew 21:22  [There's the rub...]


No. Instead of being guarded, I should be crying out to God. I should be expecting exceedingly more than I could even imagine. I should ask. I should pray to receive. But the fear of (another) disappointment haunts me. And so I pray, "Lord, I believe.  Help me in my unbelief."  And then I remember all of the other times He has been faithful.  Joshua 4:1-20  Because, He has.