Honesty

Apparently Tiger Woods broke his marriage vows. Repeatedly. And the world is fascinated by this news, which initially perplexed me a little. It's not as if Tiger is the first celebrity, sports hero, or famous person to cheat. Far from it. The list is long but includes names familiar to all of us. So why is everyone so fixated on Tiger's cheating ways? I have a theory.

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There are few things that stir the heart more than dishonesty. Well, there are few things that stir MY heart more. I don't think I expect a lot out of people but I DO expect honesty, decency, and some level of transparency if you're going to be in a "real" relationship with me. Don't tell me one thing and do another. Don't lead me to believe you are someone you aren't. Don't deceive me or yourself. And certainly don't lie to me. Please. I don't feel like that's too much to ask.

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I think people are wrapped up in Tiger's story precisely because he represented himself to be something that he is not. To the world, he was a moral, decent, honest, family man who would "never" engage in the behavior that now makes him infamous. It's the disparity that is causing all of the ruckus. There is a certain amount of cognitive dissonance in understanding who Tiger is and who he is not. And it's sad.

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Seth doesn't yet know what it means to lie, but it seems like kids learn these things earlier all the time. I've watched it happen with my nieces and nephews -- suddenly there is this realization that I could mislead you. And maybe, I could benefit (at least superficially) from doing so. My brother and I were recently talking about how to teach our kids the value of honesty and truth. It isn't easy. We agreed that the best route is through example. See, kids notice everything. If you call a friend and say you can't attend because your son is ill (and he's not) your son notices. If you tell someone on your cell phone that you aren't at home and you are, your daughter will see it. When you lie to your spouse or your boss or your child's teacher, they notice! When I fake it, having just said the opposite in front of Seth, he learns. THAT's where our kids get this bad trait: US. And that's truly unfortunate, because God is very clear on this front:

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"Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another." Lev. 19:11

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"My lips will not speak wickedness, and my tongue will utter no deceit." Job 27:4

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"The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." Prov. 12:22

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"Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." Col. 3:9-10

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"Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit." Ps. 34:13

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For my part, instead of engaging in the all-tempting voyeurism of Tiger and his family, I'm going to pray for him. That truth and The Truth would permeate his life and he would be a changed man. Maybe we all have just a little to learn from Tiger's plight about being real, honest, decent, and transparent. I know I do.

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"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phil. 4:8

Prayers

". . . . my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, 'My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.' Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

Lamentations 3: 17 - 27.

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Clear MRI. Thank you Jesus!

Peyton Lynn Steiner

Introducing Peyton Lynn Steiner!

The road here wasn't easy, but she made it!

All five pounds, seven ounces of her.

Look at those tootsies!

Grandpa already in love with Number 9 . . . .

Mama said I did a really good job.

I wasn't even jealous.

Just curious!

Welcome to the Steiner Family, Peyton!

Winter Fun!

Mama and I went back to Maryland during their HUGE snow storm and I got to go sledding with Sammy, Grace, and Uncle Tim! Yahoo!

Trust Issues

I was recently reminded that I have trust issues. Big ones. No, not the kind that makes me wait until a car approaching a red light comes to a complete stop before crossing, but rather the kind that needs more than a person's word to take to the bank. Or, gulp, sometimes, more than God's Word.

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I have not been feeling well. For a while now. It is impacting my ability to work, to parent, to be a good friend, and to write this blog. I'm exhausted all of the time and have other strange symptoms I won't bore you with. I'm very blessed to have many doctors in my life including my brother-in-law, my dear friends Beth, Jen, and Lori, as well as my own team of people that I see professionally. None of them think anything serious is going on. None of them are panicking. None of them think I'm rational. :) Ha. But even hearing them tell me "you're okay" isn't enough. Even hearing the neurologist tell me last week, "I'm not worried. If you want additional tests, I will order them for you but not for me. I don't need more tests.". That worked. For a minute. And then I spent all weekend panicking about _____ since we haven't done the most important test. Oh brother. Talk about not trusting the experts!!!

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So Wednesday I had an MRI and shortly we will know for certain about the issue most troubling me. Somewhere behind the fear I know I'm fine. Or will be. But I needed objective raw data to tell me that to be at peace in my head and my heart. Pray for those results. A clear brain!!

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This journey to find my health (again) runs a strong parallel to my journey of faith. I believe in God. I love Him. I pray. I worship. I serve. But the truth is, I also often doubt and long for that objective Truth to smack me in the head like the results of an MRI. Something I can see and touch and taste and hold. But that's not what faith is like, is it? Faith is believing what we cannot see. Faith is a leap into the unknown. Faith is not uninformed or baseless, but it can be reckless and is always wilful, at least for me. See, sometimes I have to will myself to have faith because often, what I see, touch, experience, and live would lead me to the opposite conclusion. Faith is hard. Faith takes work. Faith takes FAITH.

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Lord, help me to continue to grow in my faith in You. Help me to trust You and the plan You have for me, my family and this world. Thank You for being ever present and all-knowing. Amen and amen.

Do-Good-er

I love snow. No, I don't want it year round, but I love it. Love watching it fall, love playing in it, and love the quiet it brings to the neighborhood for at least a few days after it falls. So cleansing and beautiful. Pure. Clean. Perfect.

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When I got off the train yesterday it was a no-brainer. About six inches of snow had fallen since I left for work and as I dug out my car, I noticed a woman coming from the train to dig out her car, right in front of mine. I quickly finished cleaning off the Cab and started on her car. Not because of some desire to be a do-good-er but because I love snow and felt energetic for the moment and felt like maybe she needed an extra hand today.

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The woman uttered a quick thank you, asking me how much snow I thought had fallen. And then she launched. She started lecturing me (I don't believe that's an exaggeration) on the fact that when I park behind her (which I often do) I'm regularly illegally parked on a yellow curb. She tried to curb the lecture into concern about me receiving a ticket, but it quickly becomes clear she wants to be the last car in the row. (I will spare you my defense but let's just say she leaves room for 3/4 a car, effectively eliminating one entire space). I sighed, thanked her for letting me know I'm at risk of getting a ticket (whatever) and happily finished off her car.

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What a great reminder that service is about MY heart, not the heart of the person receiving help. Their worthiness, gratitude, ..... their heart has nothing to do with it. How often do I decline to help someone because I don't think they will be grateful? How often do I look the other way because "that person" isn't worthy of my help? Too often, I fear. Lord, make it about my heart. Make my heart more like yours. Amen and amen.

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"The Lord loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corin. 9:7

Do The Right Thing

On our late flight home from Orlando, I sat next to a somewhat annoying father of two, whose children were seated in front of us with their mom. During our long flight, he asked me about my occupation -- the usual stuff of flights. I made the mistake of answering with way too many details. I told him I'm a former federal prosecutor, now working at a large law firm in criminal defense and government investigations. Open the flood gates . . . .

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For the next two hours, I was cross-examined by this gentleman about prosecutions, police work, and being a lawyer. Sigh. That will teach me to open my mouth. Ha! One of his questions stuck with me, however: "When you were a prosecutor, did you want to 'do the right thing' or were you 'in it to win it'?" Huh. Interesting question and an easy one for me, quite frankly. The right thing was ALL I cared about when I prosecuted. This man was stunned when I told him about cases I declined for lack of evidence or when an agent went south on me mid-trial and we dismissed the case. I think this gentleman doesn't really like prosecutors or agents or police officers. Very mistrustful. Nevertheless, I found his question interesting.

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See, I am competitive. And I LOVE to win. But as a prosecutor, it wasn't my main goal -- not even close. Probably because I'm a little bit of a Bleeding Heart. Ah, there it is. ;) Win, but not at all costs. Isn't that yet another little slice of life?

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If there's anything I want to give Seth it is the desire to do only the right thing. Yes, I hope he's competitive. I hope he wants (and likes) to win. It's the foundation of this country, like it or not, so he kind of needs to be competitive. But not over the top.

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The Bible doesn't really address competition -- at least not directly. Instead, it commands us to lay down our lives for each other. (John 15: 12-13. "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.") Treat others better than ourselves. (Phil. 2:3. "In humility consider others better than yourselves.") Give a stranger the coat off our back (Matt. 5:40. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also."). Love others. (John 15:12. "Love each other as I have loved you."). Love our enemies. (Matt 5:44. "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."). Doesn't sound like win at all costs to me.

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I don't believe, however, that God calls us to be weak or door mats for people who want to run us over. No. God raises up the poor (Matt. 5:3. "Blessed are the Poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.") gives strength to the weak (Is. 40:31. "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.") fights for the oppressed (Ps. 9:9-10 "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."). He is the ultimate Judge, Arbiter, Decider. And Jesus also didn't bow to questions or pressure, even when he could have . . . .

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But nevertheless, since the greatest of these is love (1 Cor. 13:13. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.") living life doing only what's right in every situation is my end game. Now to help Seth understand that . . . .

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"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Matt. 7:12

Vacation!

Mama and I went to Orlando to see some of my many cousins last weekend. It was fun!

Andrew shared this really cool train track with me. It runs by remote control. How cool is that!?!?!

No, I didn't like it at all:

I also got to play outside without a coat, but it wasn't real warm and the sun was hiding for most of our trip. Bummer!

This motorcycle is cool, eh?

And Andrew took me for a ride in the jeep.

Yahoo!

I also got a taste of the trampoline.

These are blurry, because I was so fast, but you get the idea!

Aunt Holly is a good jumper!

Then, I got to spend time with so many of my cousins! Brynn, Danae, Hope, Anna, Ashley, Andrew, Maddie, Bridget, and Danielle! PHEW!

Remarkably, we all shared pretty darn good!

This is Jake, Shannon, and Danielle. We saw them at Christmas. Remember?

Andrew and I share obsessions . . .

But I think Anna may have been my favorite playmate. We had some good times!

Then on Monday, even in the rain, we got to go to the Magic Kingdom. It's still all really lost on me for the most part, but I had fun anyway! I learned to wait in line:

And rode on Dumbo:

Aunt Holly got us some treats!
Could we be any cuter???

When we were ready to leave, there was a parade.

Unfortunately, this was me:

A good time was had by all!

Bridget and Maddie

Aunt Nolie and Brynn

Aunt Holly and Andrew

And some of us cousins!

When we got home, Uncle Matt suggested a bath.

Um, not sure he meant THIS:

My exuberance didn't go over so well.

So, we just read some books and went to bed.

Thanks for a great trip Aunt Peggy, Uncle Steve, Holly, Jim, Noelle, George, Matt, Kelly, Jake, Shannon and ALLLLL my cousins!!!