July 31, 2012

Itchy

I think I've written this post before...
or at least I've thought it.
A million times.

I'm itchy (again).
About everything.

Life is weird that way -- at least for me.
I hit a stride;
we hit a stride,
and I get restless.
I told my expensive friend this week that I can't sleep there are so many things running around this brain of mine.  *sigh*

I suppose none of them are original thoughts -- more just my two cents on the issues of the day, so to speak.

It can be hard for me to reconcile my life as a believer with living here in the U.S.

Often.

Now.

We are so obsessed in this country with things that, at the end of the day, just.don't.matter.
For example, I don't believe that God is sitting up in heaven, looking down on us and thinking, "Uh!  A woman taught at that church this week!  *gasp*  That's it!  They are OUT!"  (Said in His best umpire voice)
That's not the God I know.
And I am not convinced that's what the Bible teaches, either.
Instead, scripture says, "man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart."
Further, no one in Uganda (and many churches around the world) is worried about "who" is preaching the sermon; only about Christ and Truth and love and forgiveness and justice and mercy.  Are we ready to say that none of them are saved because they got the "doctrine" (or is it "theology"?) of women in the church wrong?  Not me.  Way too much energy is spent on issues like this, and I'm done with them.  It's time to practice the freedom in Christ that we are promised.  As for me and my family, we will be free.

Similarly, I am over this country's obsession with politics.  Over it.
I've read a few blogs lately that capture it for me, almost completely.

Pastor Brian Zahnd wrote:

"There are committed Christians who conscientiously vote Republican. And there are committed Christians who conscientiously vote Democratic. This is true. You simply have to accept it."

So simple; so obvious.
And yet so overlooked as we slay one another for not thinking the same way about everything.

He also wrote, "If your political passion makes it hard for you to love your neighbor as yourself, you need to turn it down a notch."
 Amen?
You can read his entire article here.

Then there is Jen Hatmaker.  If I could move to Austin, Texas and attend the church her hubby pastors, I'd do it in a heart beat.  She recently wrote:

"The lines we draw in the sand do absolutely nothing except assure everyone else: YOU’RE OUT. When we turn to politics and power to legislate our brand of morality, we take the opposite approach of Jesus whose power was activated in the margins with the outcasts...humbly...peripherally."

And, I have to share the back end of the article:

 "If you are weary of the storm, come on downstairs. We’re going to get on with the business of loving people and battling real injustices and caring for the poor and loving Jesus. We’re going to go ahead and offer mercy to one another, even if it is viewed as “soft” or “cowardly” or “dangerous.” (But once I conquer all my own demons definitively, I’ll be happy to turn a critical eye on everyone else’s. Good?) We’re going to trust that Jesus is actually at work in this world like He said, and when he promised that “His kindness leads us to repentance,” we’re just going to believe Him.

Sure, the storm will rage on up there. But you can find refuge just down the stairs. We have a whole thing going on underground. Gay friends and family, you are welcome down here. Marginalized women, come on down. Isolated and confused by organized religion, afraid your questions aren’t welcomed? Join us. Activists and bleeding hearts, you are our heartbeat. Plain, old, ordinary sinners saved by grace, you belong here. Misfits, ragamuffins, and rebels, bring the party. Reformed legalists, you are my people. Pastors contending for God’s glory and people, help lead us. Dissenters, dreamers, visionaries, we need you."

How many churches do you know that look like THAT?  I told my parents this week, that if there is ONE thing I can teach my children....one.... ONE, it's this.  Jesus is the God of the outcast, the underdog, the powerless and the powerful.  And He loves them all.  But if we are the powerful, that does not give us license to marginalize others.  And like Jen Hatmaker, I'm over it

Remember Zacchaeus?
I think I (we) like to forget him.
That most despised, hated, overlooked sinner who Jesus loved and led to saving faith in Him.
Even when Jesus could have condemned him, like everyone else.
No, Jesus practiced the message of His great Sermon on the Mount.
And thank God for me (and you) He did.

Then there are the needs of this world.
The endless needs.
Financial needs; parenting needs; emotional needs....
the need for JESUS flesh on.
It often pains me as I sit at my computer, read blogs, look at the news (I find it hard to read it), or follow my Facebook feed, and realize how much need there is.
And as that reality sinks in -- once again -- I find myself asking how my family can do more.
We can cut back here or there to give more.
We could volunteer more.
I can pray more.  Or harder (what does that mean?).
We can refocus and readjust our priorities back to the only thing that matters.
Because there really is only "one thing."
(Name that movie???)

And His name is Jesus.

So as I'm itchy and restless and looking for more ways to lean into my Savior, I'm also trimming the fat and looking for ways that I can help my babies do the same.  Because at the end of the day, the real end of the day, NONE of the rest matters.

To be continued....


July 26, 2012

Heard Around Our 'Hood

The kids and I were discussing what might happen if we brought home a "brother" who did not speak English.  We talked about pointing out things and telling him words for those things (like chairs, windows, doors, food, Spiderman... all the important stuff).

After a few moments of this, Seth announced, "Don't worry, Mom.  It will be fine.  I speak Spanish."

Alrighty, then!

July 23, 2012

Dallas!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm finally getting around to posting pics of our (soon-to-be-annual) trip to Dallas.
Come on over and take a look, ya'll!



 There was wrestling of all varieties.
 I actually beat Holt, but he cheated.


 Yea, that's right....



 Girl time....
scary, scary girl time.

 And LOTS of float time.
 Our flights -- both ways-- were mucho delayed.
Didn't bother my babies!
Shouldn't you be asleep???

Such a wonderful trip.
Seth already wants to know when we are going back!!

July 21, 2012

Heard Around Our 'Hood

I considered renaming this edition "Seth-isms" but then I realized that Leah will be four soon and more is coming.  :)

Seth's recent favorite?

"Mom, I want Jesus to come out of my heart and PLAY with me!!!"

Oh dear....

Maybe since Noah's Ark is in his belly, they can all play together.

July 16, 2012

Musings from a reforming control freak

On Friday, the kiddos and I hit the airport for our trip to Dallas.
YAY!!!
Because of a booking snafu, Leah's seat was not next to mine.
For some reason the agents thought all three of us should sit together.
Ha!

So we got moved.....
....all the way to the very back of the plane.
And when I say back, I mean BACK.
As in, remove the catering area, cram in some new rows, BACK.
Nice, American Airlines....

We were in row 32 of 32.
The last row.
But we had a window.
Unfortunately, that window looked directly at the side of the engine we now hugged with our seats, and we could see NOTHING. 
N.o.t.h.i.n.g.

For most of the flight, this was not an issue.
The kids were awake for only about 20 minutes until they passed out on my lap and slept the rest of the way.  (Sweet!)
As we began our descent, however, the lack of ability to see started to wear on me in an "I'm going to freak out and have an anxiety attack" kind of way.
I knew we were descending; the popping in my ears told me as much.
But I had no idea where we were or how close we were to touch down or whether we were going to "make it" to the runway.

And then it hit me -- something it has taken me nearly 40 years to acknowledge and something I apparently still need to resolve:

I am a control freak.
Yep.
There.
I said it. 

I live with the *massively mistaken stupid* belief that I can control situations.
Like airplanes.
Or relationships.
I mean, if I can see outside, I can know (and therefore control) what's going to happen next, right?
Um, not so much.

I am really good at trying to justify my need to see, though.

Like if I can SEE what's coming (like the ground, the landing, whatever) then I can pray more accurately for what needs to happen next.
Really?
That argument quickly loses traction in the face of KNOWING that I can pray no.matter.what. and God will hear my prayers.
Furthermore, trying to control God?
Good luck with that.

But isn't this lack of control the essence of our faith?
My faith?
Believing, praying, trusting, walking, even running when we CAN'T see what's coming next?

This struggle permeates every last part of my life. 
{sigh}
Controlling my home.
My kids.
My (would-be) spouse.
My job.  Or better said, my career.
My church.
My family.
Even my friends.

I mean, really?  That's gross.
It's high time that I realize (AGAIN) that this illusion of control that I have is just that:
An illusion.
The Creator of the Universe is the only One really in control of any of it.
And I trust HIM.... because I know Him. 
And He loves me.

So the next time I feel panicky about not being able to see (in my flesh) what is next, I pray that I can remember and turn to the One who does know the beginning and the end and TRUST that He's got this.

I thought the post would end there, but then God reminded (loudly) that even in this struggle, there is grace.
Here's an example.
Leah's ANC counts have been low for a while now.
It freaks me out.
And she's still not technically undetectable -- although her viral load is very low.

In the midst of worrying about {read: trying to control} her health and her future, I returned from Uganda.  The first day I was home, Leah was sitting on the floor playing and God gave me the most beautiful vision:

Leah turned and looked up at me from the floor where she sat.
As she turned, she smiled an almost "knowing" smile.
Right there, God transformed her into the most beautiful teenager I've ever seen.
Gorgeous.
Just as fast, she was back to my three year old little squirt, and my glimpse of the future was gone.

And I could breathe again.
God is in control.
Period.
How many times must I learn this lesson?

July 10, 2012

Steiners - Riegels - Biddles Reunite!

Foolishly, I haven't seen my Steiner-side cousins for years.
Decades.
We haven't met each other's kids and have completely lost touch.
Until now.

My dad's sister (Aunt Janet) and Uncle Don were celebrating their FIFTIETH wedding anniversary.
Cheers!!!




 Then it was off to the farm.















 





Then there were the corn "engines".
Great fun!
Especially for Leah....























What a hoot.
THANK YOU Riegels!
Let's not wait so long this time!!