Watershed

On those watershed moments with God.

I have been blessed to spend some great time with great friends lately. Wednesday, I got Debbie -- my new friend and mentor and wise one -- all to myself for several hours. Yeah! Then, Thursday, at Breakthrough, I got to connect with one of my favorite people in the world -- Von. Interestingly, these conversations migrated to the same thing and the subject of this Blog: Seth.

With Debbie (who doesn't really know him yet) I spent a short time explaining all of Seth's little "issues" and some of the many doctors we are keeping employed between the two of us. She shared that her niece also has a special needs child and writes a blog about it. (Checked out her Blog -- we should be friends!!!). Anyway, after I heard about Debbie's niece, I shared about my watershed moment with Seth back when he was just two months old. I can't recall if I blogged about it at the time, but it doesn't matter. Am now.

When Seth was just two months old (or less) I already knew that something wasn't quite right with him. He didn't look at me like other little guys would and I started to worry. Started to panic. (I associate lack of eye contact with autism. Of course, two months old is WAY too young to notice, much less diagnose, autism, but I didn't know that at the time.). Anyway, I was up all night, worried and praying and crying out to God that Seth would be "perfect." At some point, I collapsed and could finally hear God. (Amazing what happens when we shut our flappers and stop talking to ourselves, our friends, or even God. God can speak once we stop!!) And He did. As if He spoke directly into my soul, God reminded me that whatever issues Seth may have (insert list of "horribles") God will be with us. If we have to have tests and surgeries, God will be there. If we have times of struggle, God will be there too. When I feel like I can't do it as a single mom, God will step in. "I will never leave you nor forsake you," He said.

I can't begin to tell you what that moment was like. It seeped deep into my soul and I've never forgotten it. Nor will I. But most importantly, since then (now, 20 months later) I don't worry about Seth. I don't worry about what struggles we will face or what the future holds. God's promises to me, reiterated that night almost two years ago, are enough. His grace is enough. Sure, some of the stuff we face with Seth is daunting and scary. And I pray. A lot. But fear does not grip me and I am not overcome. God is in control. Loved sharing that memory with Debbie. I can't wait to see what God does with that relationship!!!

So, fast forward 24 hours and I'm with Von at Breakthrough. We exchanged pleasantries (like we often do) and then without much fanfare, jumped right into the heart of life and what's happening. (This is why I love him). Von is a great listener. Compassion and empathy ooze from him. When we sat down for dinner, Ed (our fearless leader) asked how Seth is doing. I gave him the run down of where we are and what's next and how to pray for him. Von sat next to me, quietly listening. When I was done, Von said, "God has given Seth precisely the right mother." Could there be any better message than that -- particularly for an adoptive mother??? I will treasure that message forever. Thank you, Von.

But it gets better: watershed. Von and I started talking about my adoption process and how God was present and called me and directed me and how in-tune I felt (God is always tuned in -- whether I am is another question). And then it hit me: during the home study process, I was very open to whatever child God would have for me. Or so I thought. I'd take any race. Any age. Boy or girl. Any exposure to drugs and maybe even alcohol. But I was very specific that I could not handle and did not want a special needs child. I am single after all, I rationalized to my social worker, and if God has called me to adopt, surely He doesn't want it to be THAT hard for me. Hmmm. Interesting statements I made.

See, God gave me a special needs baby despite my view of my own limitations. God gave me Seth with all of his glorious and, at times, painful issues. And I adore him. And I wouldn't change one thing about him. Not one. That's the definition of unconditional love. Sure, Seth's life is going to be a little more challenging than some other kids. He has therapy three days a week and at least one major surgery on the horizon. But God is with him. God is with us. He's using Seth's "stuff" for our good and I pray every day that Seth would put his lessons through these trials to Kingdom use one day. God putting Seth in my life (a special needs child and the one thing I thought I couldn't handle) taught me that God knows and understands what we need better than we can ever know. God knows our deepest needs, our deepest desires, and the sum total of what we can handle. God knows. Isn't there some great comfort in that, even when we feel like He didn't "do what we wanted Him to do?" And how arrogant is the assumption that we would know better than GOD?!?! His ways are perfect.

That realization leads to me to this final thought. There is a book called Sacred Parenting that I read just after Seth was born. Loved it. Highly recommend it. The same author wrote Sacred Marriage with the tag line -- what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?.... I'm reading that now. I find the title interesting and probably true, based on what friends have told me about their marriages. But isn't the title a bit short sighted? That is, doesn't God use our LIVES for holiness? Didn't God put us here, married or not, so that we would become more holy? Certainly, God didn't put us here so we would be "happy" and skip along without a care in the world -- although that seems alluring sometimes. God put us here for HIM and HIS glory and HIS purposes. He allows these challenges for refinement. For holiness. For real-ness. And yes, He delights in our happiness but calls us only to JOY (I'm working on that!). After all, even Jesus wept and suffered and cried out for God, asking why God had forsaken Him. May it be ever more the same for me and my family -- total and complete submission to God's will.

God, help me (and Seth) to know the full measure of your Holiness . . . in everything that I do and in everything that I am. I thank you for Seth and for how You have used him to teach me so many things. We submit to Your will in our lives. AMEN!
Watershed.

Just Mama and Me

Mommy is regretting her introduction to a new TOY for me last week. Now we have to "play" it every time we are outside! Can you guess what it is?

Yep, that's right. I'm driving the car. And I INSIST on driving with the doors closed. Hey, do YOU drive with the doors open?!?!?

Mommy thinks this is better:

I think: BORING!!

Grandma and Papa gave me my birthday present early because my therapists thinks it's a good idea. (Hey, if nothing else, I love 'em -- the therapists, that is -- for that reason!) Anyway, it's this great table and chairs, just my size, that I use for my own purposes, much to Mommy's chagrin. Who else is going to turn the lights on and off 200 times when you aren't watching?

Mommy doesn't seem thrilled with the idea. Oh well.

But she DOES love bedtime with me. It's crazy time! As you can see/hear below, I love my evening wrestle on Mom's bed. Ya hooooo!!

Those are the faces only a mama could love. :-)

Laugh along with us if you like. See you soon!

First Time for Everything

It is unusual for me to have a post without any pictures. Mommy says that's why we post -- for our family and friends who don't get to see me all of the time. But Mommy also uses this Blog to keep track of things that happen to me -- and when -- so she doesn't "have" to keep a baby book. Pretty smart, I think. Anyway, we have this post for today, August 19, because it is a momentous day. You see, I had my first ambulance ride this morning. (sigh) Yes, it's true. Mommy and I got up early today and were snuggling after her trip to Oklahoma City. [That trip deserves a blog of its own as Mommy didn't get to the hotel until after 2 a.m. on Monday night/Tuesday morning because she didn't have any pilots for her airplane, and other hilarious issues that American tried to suggest like there was "too much fuel" in the airplaine. Then, after finally getting there and collapsing exhausted in her hotel, the fire alarm in her hotel room (just hers, no one else's) went off -- TWICE -- while she was trying to sleep. (sigh, again) Good times.]

Back to this morning. So, after we snuggled for a while, we decided to go downstairs and play and for Mommy to let Maggie outside. She walked; I crawled backwards down the stairs, the way I always do. Mommy was at the back door with Mags when she heard a loud CRASH. Yep. That's me. Down the stairs, hit my noggin' and all. Mommy was unfazed (probably because I take a lot of spills and never make a peep). So she swooped me up and tried to calm me. I cried. Right away, which I now understand is a good thing. But I also tried to go to sleep and did a few times. Mommy kept waking me up which was irritating. After a quick call to Aunt Lisa, Mommy called the doctor and explained the situation. (This reminds me of one of my favorite books about monkeys, and beds, and bumping heads, and doctors....) Anyway, the doctor said, "You need to hang up and call 911 NOW." Great, thought Mommy. Perfect.

So, we did and the fire truck came while I was still trying to sleep and then the ambulance after that. Those very nice paramedics said, "off to the ER you go, Seth!" I went for a ride in the ambulance to the ER where we met Dr. Mark. (Unfortunately, I didn't really get to appreciate how absolutely cool this ride in the ambulance was because I was "out of it." Maybe someday when I'm not sick, I can ride in one again.) The people at the ER were nice and Dr. Mark was persistent about getting me to give him a high five. (I wouldn't). After some examination and a decision that we did NOT want to use sedation (again) and have a CT Scan, I got released. Praise God! Perhaps the quickest ER visit yet and we are big fans of Dr. Mark and his crew. (THANK YOU!)

Mommy says no more stairs-gymnastics for me for a while. She can't take any more craziness right now. :-) I was getting back to normal (whatever that is) when Mommy left for work. I'm sure I'm perfect by the time you're reading this. So that's what happened to me today! How about you??? Love ya'll! -- Seth

Ah the weekend

It was a good weekend with friends. I got to have another Popsicle -- man, those are good!

I also got some good reading time with Mama. Is YOUR Mama a Llama???

Laundry Days

Why didn't anyone tell me that laundry baskets are so fun??

The Biddles Come to Visit

The Biddles came to visit us and boy did we have fun!! They wore me out, though, as you can see here.

We went fishing at the lake by grandpa's house. I rode my bike and Kathryn caught a fish! (or three)

Then we got a picture of all eight (for now) of Grandma and Grandpa's grandkids. That was fun too!

Grandpa and I are BUDS!

And then, it was time for some more Zzzzzzzz's.

The Biddles wore me out!