For everything, a season

For everything there is a season under the sun.  A time to dance and a time to mourn....

I thought that tonight I would be writing in celebration of the amazing cupcake sales we had today for Sixty Feet.  And I will write about that (and post some fun pics) but not tonight.

Instead, I am beginning a season of fasting for a friend.

Tammy and Joel, my brother, were together for over 12 years.

Together, they had my precious nephew Ruben who is 8 years old.

After they split, Tammy had a daughter named Eryn.

She is three.

She is Ruben's sister and part of our family.

Yesterday, Eryn collapsed.

She has a brain bleed of some sort and the doctors say it is inoperable.

The doctors have said that she will not live.

But until GOD says that, I will not stop praising Him and speaking life into Eryn's body.

So tomorrow, I fast.

And pray.

Knowing that no matter what the doctors say -- on either side of the fence -- it's up to God anyway.

Please join me.

Update:  Eryn flew to Jesus this week after donating all of her available organs.  The whole thing is wrenching but God is in here somewhere.  Thank you for praying.

I'm Tired About That

The most recent "Seth-ism" is "I'm tired about that". He proclaims "I'm tired about that" whenever he's done. Like after we hit about six houses trick-or-treating at Halloween.  Or when I've lectured him for too long.  Or when he doesn't want to be obedient in a request from mom...  I'm tired about that.

Like the "why's", I've realized that I'm also tired about a lot of things. I'm tired of looking for a job. I'm tired of living "alone."  I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of feeling lonely. I'm tired of cleaning, organizing and decorating this house I want to sell. I'm tired of inconsiderate people.  I'm tired of fretting about finances. I'm tired of worrying about preschools for my kids. I'm tired of theology. I'm tired of subtle (and not so subtle) racism. I'm tired of politics and presidential races. I'm tired of health issues, behavior issues and life issues.  I'm tired of injustice, hatred and selfishness. I'm just tired.

Some might say that I'm in a funk. And maybe I am. But I think it goes deeper than that. There is a part of me that is, quite simply, longing for Home. Because let's face it:  this life can be hard. Really hard.  And unfair. And exhausting.  Most of those things aren't going to change anytime soon -- at least the ones that aren't temporal.  We are all broken and we get in each others way with our brokenness. All the time. 

So until I get replenished (Lord, soon) I'm tired. And I'm waiting for our Lord to save us from each other. And ourselves. Come, Lord Jesus, come.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Commotion and Connections

This morning, Leah and I went to get her braids taken down.... and put right back in.

Because I don't know of a shop that does toddlers' hair close to where we live, we go to Hyde Park (my old neighborhood) to get it done.

I love Hyde Park.

It's aesthetically beautiful and there is a richness in culture that I adore.

While I was waiting (three hours) for Leah, a woman and her 10 year old daughter arrived at the store.

The mother was irate.

She claimed that the store had burned and subsequently ruined her daughter's hair.

The mom was loud and demanding.

I could tell the manager wasn't sure what to do.

But mama bear wasn't leaving.

During one of the manager's many trips to the back of the store, I started talking to this angry mother.

Not about hair ..... but life.

She softened and asked me about my daughter (who we couldn't see).

Mind you, this is an African-American salon.

There ain't no white people there.

And then there's me.  :)

We started talking about my kids and I showed her a picture.

She asked where they are from.

(Naperville and Uganda)

In a tender moment, the not-so-angry woman said,

"God bless you"

and grabbed me to give me the biggest hug.

And she didn't let go.

When the hug ended, she had tears in her eyes as she shared that she knows there are so many children who need families and understands why adoption is important, but her plate is full with six biological children.

And then she continued.

Her 18 year old was murdered just a year ago.

Yes, murdered.

Can you take that in?

Another of her sons was shot 18 times (yes, you read that right) in June and is now in jail.

He survived, but with what wounds?

This sweet, broken woman then started talking to me, cheerfully and lovingly.

She told me from the mundane (how to care for Leah's hair) to the serious (how dangerous it is "out there.")  Somewhere in there, we both became human.

I wish I would have asked for this woman's contact information so I could follow up with her.

I wish I would have prayed with her.

I wish I could have done more to encourage her.

Because there is more to be done.

I have been spending some time at Breakthrough Urban Ministries lately, helping with little projects.

Driving from my suburbia home to Breakthrough is an eye opener.

Just today, I saw a man, sitting in front of a store sign, by the street.

Clearly homeless.

Animated. 

Talking up a storm with his hands to himself (or anyone who would listen).

In the neighborhoods surrounding Breakthrough, the poverty is breath-taking.

People are desperate.

Not for the next video game, but for the next meal.

And for peace in their neighborhood and an end to violence brought on by financial desperation, drugs, and gangs.

It is so easy in my peaceful neighborhood to forget those who sit just a couple of miles from us.

The need is here and I want to be part of the solution.

Lord, show me how.

In the meantime, I am thankful for my trips to Hyde Park with Leah where I can get pulled out of suburbia and remember that we are so blessed and are commanded to give out of that blessing.

"Lord, thank You for helping me to keep it real.... even without traveling to Africa or another distant land.  You are Lord of all.  Help me to follow Your steps better.  Amen."

My girl

Spoke to Leah's Supa Doc a few weeks ago.

We have a plan to try to get her viral load to undetectable.

Leah's viral load is low.

Very low.

Like "hasn't been over 310 since she got home" low.

That's great news and something to celebrate!

BUT

Even with regular medicine, she is not going below 50 (undetectable).

And with her low viral number, we cannot perform resistance testing.

This month, we are going to stop all of her meds for three/five weeks.
We stopped the first one yesterday and will stop the other two in two weeks.

Sounds a little scary to me, but I also have confidence in the plan.

We expect that Leah's viral load will go up without meds to a level where we can perform resistance testing.

Once we know what meds will work best for her, we should be able to get her undetectable.

Easy, right?

I have just a little fear about stopping the meds when I know how important they are.

And how healthy they keep her.

Will you pray for my girl?

Here's how I'm praying:

That God would heal her and she would have no HIV.

(Yep.  That's always my first prayer.)

That if she is not healed, that the viral load would go up just enough to perform resistance testing but not TOO much.  Just enough.

And then, that Leah is undetectable by the end of the year.

Thanks for interceding with me.

The Ultimate Sacrifice

I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study right now on the Patriarcs.

Specifically, Abraham, Moses, Jacob, Esau, Joseph, Isaac, . . .

You know, the men of Genesis. :)

It has been a great study and also somewhat timely.

A couple of weeks back, I was reading the story about Abraham and Isaac.  You know the one.  God tells Abraham to take Isaac and sacrifice him to the Lord and Abraham prepares to obey.  Without hesitation.  At the last minute, God provides a ram for the sacrifice and Isaac is spared.  But Abraham had been willing to be obedient, even with his most prized son!

I read that and it is hard for me to consider being able to do the same.  In the abstract.

And then it's almost "tomorrow" and I realize that in some small ways, I've given up Seth to the Lord repeatedly since his birth.

Seth has been under general anesthesia three times and under sedation twice in three short years.  Each time, there is a part of me that wants to hide and pretend it's not happening -- particularly for the eye surgeries.  And yet each time, I am able to pray and give Seth to God, knowing that the God of the Universe will watch over him when he receives anesthesia, during the surgery, and while in recovery.  I trust that God's plan (while not revealed to me) is better.  Or I try to trust....

So this morning, while I am feeling a bit teary (afraid) about another surgery tomorrow, I am reminding myself that God asks me to trust HIM with my son -- HIS child.  And I am comforted.

Lord, I lift up Seth to You because he is Yours.  I pray that the doctors would be wise and the surgeon meticulous.  Lord, I pray protection over Seth from head to toe and I pray that Dr. Yoon would nail this surgery the first time.  Once and for all.  I trust You.  In Jesus' name.

Just one more week

Next week (Wednesday, the 13th) Seth is having surgery.

Again.

This time, we are trying to correct a more specific problem with his eyes.

When he wants to look straight

(and far away)

he will turn his face at least 45 degrees to the left and look "straight" with his eyes.

The doctor can fix that.

But like in October 2009, we need to stick this landing the FIRST time.

If we don't get it right next week, it will mean multiple extra surgeries to fix it.

So please pray.

Lots.

Our doctor's name is Dr. Yoon and we love him.

Also pray for Seth.

He knows a lot more this time than last.

And he does not tolerate anesthia well.  (ugh)

Pray pray pray.

Now just for fun, here is some more sweetness.

(Yes, he's catching air on the treadmill!)



A couple of prayer requests

I left my camera in Maryland at my sister's after I was "mom" to six kids for five days.  More on that after I get the camera!  (And Memorial Day and other fun stuff)

Anyway, Leah's adoption bash is Saturday, June 25.

We are so excited to celebrate with her village!

Would you pray for good weather?

We will be in my parent's backyard, under a tent, but it sure would be nice if it was summer and not early spring or late fall like today....  :)

Second, Seth is having eye surgery (again) on July 13.

This time, we want to correct his "straight ahead" vision.

To look straight, he looks about 45 degrees to the left and then moves his eyes back to "straight."

Our fabulous Dr. Yoon thinks he can fix that.  (Yay!)

BUT like last time, it's a risk.  If it doesn't go "right" it could mean repeated additional eye surgeries in the upcoming months.  Let's start praying NOW that the doctors' hands would be perfect and that we would have it done the right way the first time.  Thank you!

Last, Seth is now taking pride in reciting his memory verse (Romans 12:12) over and over.

Praise the Lord!

It is precious.

I will try to get it on video soon.

Just imagine a three-year old saying, "tribulation."

Aw, sweetness.

Until then... blessings!

Stranger than Fiction

That's how I feel about my life most days.

Stranger than fiction.

A few days into Seth's high (HIGH) fevers and inability to walk last week, our primary care doc sent us to the ER on Wednesday afternoon.  Silly me, I thought:  blood test, xrays, home.  I didn't bother stopping at home.  Didn't smooch Leah.  Didn't get clothes or a tooth brush.  Nope.

So, naturally, we were admitted about midnight and weren't released until last night (Sunday).

What. An. Ordeal.

In the ER, we saw about 200 doctors and 800 nurses.  Seth was poked and prodded and BOTHERED.  He was in a lot of pain so this was terrible to watch.  Hated it.

By 11, we still didn't know what was going on.  Blood tests:  extremely high inflammation levels.  Xrays of hip:  clear.  Xrays of knees:  clear.  Ultra sound of hips and knees:  minimal fluid.  (I'll spare you the story of how the "brave" resident decided that despite a lack of fluid on the knee, he would still try to aspirate Seth's knee.  Oh, with minimal drugs.  Seth went BERSERK.  But I'll spare you that....)

Nothing added up, so we were admitted.

By 8 the next morning, after no sleep, (I'll also spare you the 3:30 a.m. IV story.  GRRRR) the ortho attending FINALLY came to see us and said aspirating was a waste because there is no fluid.  Um, I'm no doctor but that seems LOGICAL!  (Insert bad names for "brave" resident here).

Off to an MRI.  At last, we saw something.  An infection of Seth's bone, femur, just above the knee.  Rare for kids Seth's age?  You bet.  But hey.  Stranger than fiction, right???

We started IV antibiotics immediately and to truncate the rest of the story, we are home after seeing a zillion doctors, a quadruple zillion nurses, dozens of tests, two sedations and the installation of a picc line.  PHEW!

Here's some of the fun we had at the hospital, once we started feeling better:

 Yea, his girlfriends visited.  :)

 Yea, we ate junk food!

 And I learned how to use the Picc.  A few times.....

There was LOTS of snuggling....

And NO sleep. 

 Mr. Keith visited.  Yay!

 Not sure why it's fun to have the table SO high....

All in all, we survived it well.

I'm so thankful for all of the prayers and the way in which God has shown up, as He always does.  Seth's prognosis is great.  He will have numerous follow up xrays to make sure the growth plate was not impacted but he should be fully recovered after three more weeks of IV meds.

I'm home now giving Seth his 2:00 dose and will be back to work shortly.  Thanks to everyone who is helping us identify nurses to help me be able to stay at work for a day.... what a novel idea!

I'm also sad.  Sunday, my kids were supposed to be dedicated during a special adoption dedication service.  Katie and I had dreamed about it for months.  And I was excited.  Then this.  Not only did my kids not get to participate, but perhaps more importantly, I didn't get to celebrate with the other Calvary families I love who have adopted treasures at home and abroad.  It's hard to swallow, but that's life, right?

Stranger than fiction.

Seth

It's been a rough week for my little man.  He woke up on Saturday with a fever and unable to walk.  But for the fact that my nephew Sam had this exact issue about a year ago -- twice -- I might have flipped.  Sam had a virus that attacked his hip joints and made it painful to walk.  The doc thinks that's what Seth has too.  It has been a rough few days with high (HIGH) fevers and inability to get around.  Would you pray for Seth?  I hate seeing him sick and hate as much that I can't spend quality time with Leah.  Eveline just called and Seth is now throwing up, too.  Oy.  Please pray.  We need some healing over here!

God's Best

This post has been brewing for a while.  I had some thinking (read: praying) to do about this idea before I could write.  I had to ask myself, "Do I believe this?  Is this real?  True?"  I don't know that I feel resolved about the answer to that question, but I do know that this story is one that could only be written by the Creator of the Universe.

You may remember when I went to Uganda in May, I met a boy at Leah's orphanage named Patrick.  He is six years old and cuter than cute.  I could not believe he had not been adopted and (still) sat in an orphanage after so long.  Patrick was the oldest boy in the orphanage and I asked the director whether he could be adopted.  She told me that Patrick was available, but that I could not adopt him as a single woman.

After meeting Leah and praying for a few months about whether to adopt her, we started the process in July.  About a month later, Patrick was on my heart again.  Big time.  So I emailed the orphanage and asked whether I could take Patrick when I took Leah.  (I know, I know.  I'm nuts)  The director emailed me back and told me that Patrick had a family coming for him.  Yay!  Great news for everyone.

What I didn't know is what I would learn when I got to Uganda.  I was thrilled to see Patrick again and smooch on him and remind him that his Mama is coming.  He is so special.  I learned that Patrick is being adopted by a family who lives just ten minutes away from Patrick's best friend, Innocent, who was adopted just a year ago.  What a beautiful provision by the Lord!  But it gets better.  (The story, that is....)

See, I learned that Patrick was supposed to be adopted a few years ago.  A family from the US was all set to adopt him.  Patrick knew about it and (I'm sure) was beside himself with excitement.  The family withdrew from the adoption for reasons I don't know.  I can't imagine what that did to Patrick's little heart.  I'm sure it would be easy to question God and His "good" plan.  At least I know my feeble mind would go there.  Then,  sometime later, a family from Uganda agreed to adopt Patrick.  Wow!  He would be able to stay in his home country and be raised by a loving Ugandan family -- a rare opportunity but an incredible blessing!!  Again Patrick knew about his family.  Again, I expect, he was excited.  Again, the family withdrew.  (This time because they already had a child named "Patrick.")  What are you doing God?!?!?  Isn't it confusing to try to understand why God wouldn't want Patrick in one of these families?

Maybe.....Until you see the end of the story.  See, Patrick got his family.  The right family.  A family that felt led to adopt him through the stories and longings of his best friend Innocent.  A family with four other siblings.  A faithful family, following God's call on their lives.  And because God always had a plan for this precious orphan, he is now home.  In Tennessee.  Loving his family (I'm sure) and reunited with his friend Innocent.  God's plan is better.  God's plan is bigger.  God's plan is best, even when there are serious bumps to hurdle on the way to the finish line.  Do you believe that?  Do I?  Even when the going gets rough?  I'm sure trying and I hope you are too.  For now, I'm praising God for loving Patrick into his forever home.  And, of course, my Leah too.  Thank you, Jesus.  :)

Natasha

Thanks so much for praying for Natasha and her girl Deborah.  They did not get the ruling today.  They will go back to Court on Monday and hope to get it then.  This does not mean the news will be bad, only delayed.  And it gives us more time to pray for them!  You can see Natasha and her girl here.  Pray on!!

Prayer Request

A woman named Natasha is staying with us at our *great* guest house.  (Love it here!)  She is 29 years old and adopting a 9 year old who has been in an institution for many years.  Natasha met the girl in 2005.  She learned yesterday (after arriving) that the judge may not allow her to adopt because she is not 21 years older than the child  (just 20 years older....)  PLEASE PRAY.  There are exceptions to every rule and this one needs an exception.  Natasha loves this sweet girl and the God of the Universe is bigger than this law, particularly when she is SO close.  Not to mention the 9 year old who thought she was going home.....  (sigh)  Pray, pray, pray.

Court is Friday at 10 a.m. and the ruling likely next week.  We covet your prayers for this beautiful family.

A very special THANK YOU post

When we began collecting things for our adventure, I asked some of the people I know in Uganda what they need.  The leader of the African Hearts told me that the boys I met when I was there would love to have Bibles.  Okay, I thought.  Fifteen Bibles.  Doesn't seem too hard!

I wondered if I could get a discount on them somewhere and asked my friend Sasha if her family's company (Crossway Books) would offer me one.  Well, they did more than that.  They gave us 15 beautiful, leather bound, ESV Bibles for FREE!!! 

What a blessing these Bibles will be to those boys!  Brand new, barely opened Bibles for them to read and pour over.  I can't wait to see the delight on their faces!!  THANK YOU Sasha and family!!  We are SO grateful!!

Meanwhile, we have so much stuff, I think we are actually going to use the three bags each limit that we have.  Oh my!  It's great to have so much to gift people with but, honestly.  I'm a little overwhelmed by all the stuff!  It will be fun to show everyone pictures of how their gifts blessed and blessed and blessed.

So here is how you can pray:

Pray for safe travels and safety in Uganda. I'm sure you all saw the terror alert that we saw. It is unsettling but I know God is in control and we rest in His safety. Mom, Seth and I do have a 12 hour layover in London. Please pray for us both for the 2 year old craziness that is travel (smile) and for safety there. Dad and Kathryn will be flying the 18th and home the 1st. Mercies for those days, Lord.

Pray that the legal process in Uganda goes smoothly. The judge grants the order without requesting additional paperwork; the official documents come quickly; the Embassy is responsive.

Pray that Leah and our family would bond quickly and that love, a deep enduring love, would come easily. I know this will be a challenge. For me and for Seth and for all of us. But God open all of our hearts, Lord Jesus.

Pray that we can do some serious blessing of those kids over there. At African Hearts and the orphanages. Let us be a blessing to them, in Jesus' name.

Last, pray for healing of Leah's body. Make her whole and healthy, again, in Jesus' name.

Looking forward to our first post from Uganda, coming soon!
Love,
Deb, Seth and Leah Grace

Preparations

We have been busy, busy, busy getting ready for our trip!  Rhonda sent us all of these great clothes and toys for the kiddos.  Yay!  What a blessing they will be!

We also got these Suh-WEET blankets and pillows, made by some girls raising money for an orphanage in China!  You can see them here.  Yep, that's all for Morning Star with Bill and Lynsay!!

And baseballs and mitts

We also have cereal 

 And watches for the house mamas at Betty's (soon to be former) home

 And then, the greatest surprise of all.

Noelle and Brynn showed up from Florida with an entire suitcase full of shoes!  Yahoooooo! 

Of course, the best part was having them here! 

Seth tried to teach Brynn some of his crazy dancing. 

Brynn is too cute for words! 

And then the packing became the "pack kids" game! 

Check OUT all those shoes!! 

In addition to packing, we had some FUN!

But it was a chilly day on Saturday.

So it was fast fun! 

 This strange game lasted a while.

Ahhh two year olds....

Sweetness! 

When Seth got up from his nap, he and Noelle had some snuggle time.  Awwww.  I think he likes her! 

On Sunday, we opted to go to a Pumpkin Patch, after church and after errands.

Unfortunately, my boy fell asleep just before we got there.

And then was impossible to wake up!! 

But we had fun anyway!!

 Brynn rode the VERY fast merry-go-round

And a pony

(all while Seth was still snoozing....) 

Ah, maybe this will wake them up.

Where is Brynn?!?! 

There was a petting zoo 

That's my boy.... 

Pumpkins galore! 

Pretend trains.... 

Silliness 

Car driving.... 

And, of course, trains! 

Watch out world! 

Our kids are driving!!!

We are SO grateful for Noelle and Brynn (and George) and that they could come celebrate with us and pack and prepare and just have FUN. What a total blessing!  My family ROCKS!!!!