This is what we believe

I've thinking a lot about what it is that our family values.  There are many things, really, and here they are.

First and foremost, a dynamic relationship with our living God.

Faith.

We value scripture and worship and praise, adoration, prayer, submission, obedience, and a whole lot more God-loving radicalness.

We value Jesus Christ, the perfect picture of the unseen God.

Family.

We love our family, near and far.

Even as the years pass, and disagreements ensue, and life changes, the one constant is family.

Steiner;

Biddle;

Ballinger;

Badman;

Stutzman;

Riegel;

Blue (Seth's birth family); and

one sweet mama on the other side of the world, who gave me the greatest blessing of her daughter, my Leah Grace;

{so far}

If you're family, we adore you.  We will fight for you, pray for you and love you.

Forever.

Roots.

Both where we're from and where we're going -- after all, the roots of a tree remind us both where it has been and where it is going.

If you think roots don't matter, take a look at this:

Last week, I got out the one and only picture I have of Leah as a baby under 15 months old.  I thought I had showed it to her before, but obviously not.

She squealed with delight.

She jumped and shouted, "Baby!  Leah is a baby!!"

But the funny thing is, days later, this hasn't stopped.  I think she's equally if not more excited today than the day I showed her the picture!

So I took that little picture off to Walgreens, made copies, and blew it up for a frame.

{after all, there are baby pics of Seth in frames all over the house....}

Today (when my phone captured this moment) she was feeding her baby picture and combed her picture hair and, at one point, told me her picture was crying.

Sigh.

I could hardly hold back the tears.

At church, she gave Grandma and Papa a copy and jumped, squealed and shouted some more.

It matters.

Ask any person who was adopted.

Roots matter.

And I will find a way for them to continue to matter.

Peace.

I grew up in a pacifist family and attended a pacifist protestant denomination.

Those lessons have not left me.

Yes, there are wars and violence in scripture, but it is clear to me that in the New Testament, Jesus came to bring a new way.

He said, "You have heard that it was said, "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth;" but I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

Jesus did just that.

Yes, in one incident, he became violent and turned over the tables of the church to express his displeasure.

But the overwhelming picture scripture paints of Jesus is of a kind, loving, gentle, patient (endless), graceful God.  Slow to anger and abounding in love.

Jesus could have met ridicule, opposition and defiance with angry words -- or even war.

But He didn't.

He asked hard questions; gave hard answers; and always walked in truth and love.

I want that for my babies.

Last night, I was coming home from a quick errand and turned the corner onto my street.  There was a pick-up truck parked outside our house with two boys in the back. 

They were probably 9 years old.

Each of them had a "toy" rifle and they were leaning out of the truck shooting passers-by (me).

Oh my.

If they were my kids, I would not allow it.

Yes, Seth is allll boy.

And he has swords and hooks and mean pirate noises these days.

But there is a limit to this madness and "shooting" people eclipses mine.

We value peace and I will not have my children shooting people -- pretend or otherwise.

I just won't.

Diversity.

Part of the beauty of our creation is that God made us all unique and yet all in His image.

Amazing, right?

Our family values God's diversity.

As Seth recently told my mom, "Our family song is 'Diverse City' [by Toby Mac]"

Yep.  True!

"They call us Diverse City, we're colorful good, we're like a freak show, in your neighborhood.  So if you wanna PRAISE you can come on down 'cuz this freak show is leaving the ground.....

Now come to the city where you can praise

If you're black, if you're white, if you're yellow or grey

In the morning, in the night, anytime of day

What's that place - Diverse City!"

I pray that I can teach my children -- the way my parents somehow taught me -- that diversity is beautiful and adds to life a richness that can't come from anywhere else.

Because there's room.

Friendships.

We value our friends.  The Bible tells us that two strands are better than one.

They are tough together -- an unbreakable bond.

David and Jonathan.  Best friends.

We pray our friendships will be fun, authentic, challenging, supportive, forgiving, filled with love, and forever.

Mercy, Equality, Justice, and Grace all covered by Respect

We love and value people.

All people.

As "our song" (giggle) sings, "Stirring, we'll lure you in and we'll make room for the shade of skin
Short ones, tall ones, skinny ones, bigger, love is the gun and we pullin' that trigger...."

But in loving them, we don't only say we love them, we love with action.

We fight for people who are powerless and have no voice.

As I wrote just days ago, "Jesus is the God of the outcast, the underdog, the powerless and the powerful.  And He loves them all.  But {since} we are the powerful, that does not give us license to marginalize others."

In fact, to who much is given, much is required.  Our love looks like this:

We value mercy and (attempt to) engage in merciful acts.  Often.

We value people and places that prioritize mercy because we do and there is so much need for mercy....

 

We value equality.  No matter your race, gender, affiliations or other dividing categorizations that we have now or will have in the future.  We believe God created us equally and so we all ought to be treated (and valued) equally.  Full stop.

We value justice.

Lord knows this lawyer mama's heart was built with an extra dose of the justice portion.

Like equality, we value doing the right thing, fighting for justice for the weak or down-trodden and working to make wrongs right.

We value grace.

Grace is God's unmerited favor.

We are going to mess up.  Heck, half the time I mess up before I even get out of bed in the morning.

Thankfully, God extends grace to me.

But even as God has (unending) grace for me, I must show grace (have room) for others.

Forgiveness and grace for the mistakes we will all make.

We can become just a little more like Jesus as we extend grace to one another.

Grace.

Last, Love.

The crescendo on the stanza.  Love is the banner over everything else we value.

It is the essence -- sweet fragrance -- of our faith; our God.

It is our family; our relationships; our mantra.

It is the first and the last.

It begins with love and it ends there too.

 You before me.

It is selfless.

What if we all decided to live that way?  You before me....

What a world this would be!!!

We value love -- the action of it.  The choice of it.  The sacrifice of it.

Because He first loved us.

This is what we believe.

Our Story

It was hard to leave my babies and go to Uganda this trip.

Really hard.

I missed them with an ache deep in my soul that I hadn't experienced before.

Sure, I always miss them.

But this was different.

Before I left, a friend who was encouraging me in my aching told me that we are "writing the story of our family."

I love that.

What is our story?

We love big.

We serve bigger.

We laugh hard.

God is first.

Family is second.

Always.

We sacrifice.

And sometimes, when God commands us, we ache for each other.

That's our story.

I love my babies and the GOD-sized story our family is writing.

Why adopt?

I was recently reading a blog (imagine that) and one particular statement stuck out to me. The author said something along the lines of the following:
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"Saving" or "rescuing" an orphan happens in an instant; parenting an orphan lasts a lifetime.
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I love that. It is important to give orphans a home, but removing them from their circumstances is only the first, small step in the process. See, it's easy to fall in love with a face or a dream. It's much harder to recognize that signing up is a lifelong commitment! And what fun that adventure can be! It's these faces that make it all worth it.

But for those who cannot or choose not to adopt, there are soooo many ways to care for orphans. Won't you consider the alternatives? Support a friend who is adopting -- financially or with prayer or simply with logistics. Sponsor an orphan overseas (see two posts below for one option). Help out a foster parent down the street. Take food to a single mama who is overwhelmed. Volunteer at a shelter for women and children. And perhaps most importantly, teach your children. Teach them that caring for the world around them is God's command for all of us. No matter what form it takes. "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans." Isaiah 1:17.

Race in the U.S.

I have had some interesting discussions and thoughts on race in America lately. I thought I would share some of those thoughts, mostly because I'm interested in getting more resources from anyone who might be reading!

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To begin, I receive tons of emails from my adoption attorney here in Chicago, providing articles and book reviews and gatherings of other multi-cultural families. It has allowed me to stay up to date on issues and thoughts (some of which I agree with and others, not so much). A few months ago, I got an article that was discussing the way we talk to non-white children about their future. The author made the point that, when raising little girls, we repeatedly tell them that they "can be anything they want to be" when they grow up. See, we aren't afraid of gender. The boy/girl distinctions are ones that we are comfortable discussing and even confronting.

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But it is different with race. The referenced study showed that parents of non-white children are much less likely to talk with their child about their potential in life (unlike in the gender distinctions). The author made the point that we are afraid (read: terrified) to point out and discuss race. Hmmm. I think she has a point.

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Right after I read that, I started to talk to Seth about his beautiful brown skin and mommy's peach colored skin. He looked me like I was crazy, but I know it's all sinkin' in there somewhere! I want Seth to know that his skin is beautiful and that he can "be" whatever he wants when he grows up!

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Then, I had a great conversation with my friend, Kathy, about race. We discussed how it is a good first step when our kids say, "Mom, the color of their skin doesn't matter," but it's only a first step. See, unfortunately, the color of your skin DOES matter in this country. Still. Even with a black President. It matters. So how do we go the next step with our kids?

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I started reading "I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla -- Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World" by Marguerite A. Wright. I'm only 40 pages in (so I can't completely endorse it yet) but there is a quote I want to share:

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"Make no mistake: this book would not be necessary were racism irrelevant. Since racism remains very much a fact of U.S. society, responsible parents and caregivers need to reduce its impact on the development of the children they love and care for. Tragically, when they misjudge children's responses to "racial" issues by relying on their own adult views, they run the risk of magnifying the significance of race problems in their children's lives and of reducing their children's initially high capacity to handle these issues in positive ways as they mature."

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Based on my reading of the first few chapters of this book, she is right! We think when a two year old says he "wants to be white" that we have failed to identify with his race, when in reality the child does not understand race identity and may want to be white because he just spent time with his best friend, wearing a white shirt!

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Lord, help me to teach Seth (and any future kiddos) appropriate beliefs about race and loving people the way Jesus would. Help me to protect him from racists views and to comfort him when he is hurt. Thank you for creating us beautifully in our skin -- no matter what color. Amen.

Perspective

One of the biggest things (or maybe "greatest things" is a better phrase) that happened to me in Uganda is I got a little perspective. Okay, a lot. Pre-Uganda, I had started the process of looking for a house for my family in a nearby suburb with great schools. It wouldn't mean a very far move for us; almost right across the street. But we are still in Chicago at this point and our neighborhood school is okay but not great. With Seth's potential learning issues (potential, right God?) I'd like to be in a place where we can use the resources of great public schools. So, assuming we don't move to Uganda, we will be moving sometime in the next three years.

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Before my trip, I was looking for houses that are about the price range of my current house, which is a lot under any calculus (this IS Chicago). Now that I'm back, I am still thinking about Seth and school and free school, but let's just say my price range has dropped, oh, $200,000 or so. I learned in Uganda that I have a lot I don't need. We are blessed to have toilets and kitchens inside and a roof! I don't need the nicest kitchen or the biggest rooms or the largest house. I just don't.

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Let me be clear, though. I want those things. I drive through Oak Park and the big, old houses on huge lots are gorgeous and they call to me. I'd love to have that home and entertain people and be oh so comfortable. But we just don't need it. I'd like to have a little more space (for kiddos) and a yard, but other than that, we just don't need all of "it."

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So, I'm off. Looking for a house with good bones that we can call our home. A house that will allow us to continue to love on this World, even when my job changes someday. A house that will speak lessons to my kids about what we value and how we sacrifice for it. It won't be easy for me. I promise you. I want the mansion. :) But like Linn and Dwight (http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com) I want to live without a mortgage so I can do more. Lord, help us get there!

Lunch with my dad

Yesterday, my dad came downtown on the train to have lunch with me. I'll be honest and tell you that I had some fears about what I must have done wrong to deserve this visit. It's kind of a family joke that when dad asks you to lunch or dinner..... watch out! As it turns out, we had a very nice lunch talking about a whole host of things, not the least of which are my next adoption and Betty.

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Dad asked me some hard questions about Betty, but nothing I haven't already asked myself in this process. For example, if you want to adopt again, why intentionally sign up for a special needs child? I think it is an imminently fair question and here is my answer. I have always known that I would adopt. Since I was a young girl, knowing and understanding the stories of my brothers, I have wanted to adopt. I never thought I would do it alone, as a single person, until the process of adopting Seth began. Back in 2007, I was very specific that I wanted a normal, healthy child because I am a single mom. God gave me Seth. What I have learned through Seth is that I have the capacity to deal with special needs and that maybe I'm gifted in that area. I look at it this way: There is a universe of people who want to have children. It's large. Most people do. Some small percentage of those people are open to adoption and do adopt. Of those limited numbers of people who adopt, there is an even smaller sub-set who will consider adopting a child with special needs. I think, as it turns out, that I'm in that group of people. By the way, if you had told me that five years ago, I would have laughed you out of town. Soooo not me! God can do strange things like that....

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See, the HIV thing doesn't intimidate me any more. Yes, I want to see Betty's medical records and I want to sit with an infectious disease doctor and understand all that we are facing. But I've moved past the HIV in my decision to a place of wondering how Seth will react and whether Betty and I will bond and what her personality is really like. (Hard to tell in 3 hours of being together). That's all about an adoption of a child that's not a newborn. I got used to the Seth situation -- bringing him home from the hospital spoiled me! We've been together from the beginning. And the beginning with Betty will look different. I'm trying to wrap my brain around that!

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Despite my questions that remain, God has been swinging wide the doors for me to run through thus far. I believe that when we pray for clarity, we had better keep track of the answers that come! So here's my list, so far. From meeting Betty in Uganda to today. . . .

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May 19 Met Betty

May 20 Spent two hours with Betty

May 22 Ugandan attorney says Betty's adoption can be fast

May 24 Home to Chicago

May 25 Pediatrician tells me that HIV is "just another chronic disease"

May 25 Email Betty's orphanage

May 28 Orphanage responds to my email (yahoo!)

June 1 Orphanage agrees to provide Betty's medical records

June 1 Set up time to meet with Adoption Link re home study

June 1 Email attorney who responded immediately with checklist for adoption

June 2 Visit to neurologist to have nerve/muscle test. Clear results!

June 2 Med student at appointment calls HIV "chronic disease"

June 7 Email Lisa (mom of HIV child)

June 7 Lisa responds immediately with a very encouraging email!

June 7 Email orphanage for request of picture of Betty

June 8 Received photos of Betty (YIPPEE!!)

June 8 Update of Home Study

June 8 Learn that Infectious Disease doctor will start adoption clinic 10 minutes from our home

June 8 Spoke to Beth (doctor) re HIV and very encouraged. She notes that HIV is a "chronic disease." Catching a theme here?

June 9 Spoke to Linn, who also encouraged me!

June 9-10 Emailed over and over with the orphanage in the wee hours of the night. :-)

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Lord, I am so thankful for your goodness and mercy. Please continue to lead and guide me through this decision. And, Lord, protect Betty. Keep her healthy and safe. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

The Journey to Betty

I have never been a journal writer. I’ve oft started and failed to write on a daily basis. After a hard season last summer, I started to write on my blogs – first Seth’s blog (on rare occasions) and then in December, here. Since returning from Uganda, it has been fun for me to look back and notice how God is really working on me, in some significant areas! I can see His footprints throughout my thoughts and feelings and challenges. (Maybe there's something to this journaling thing....) I have seen, as I look back, how God is refining me through my trials, something I haven’t ever really had the chance to experience so outright in my life, before now.

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Last August, when I was grieving a broken relationship, I was forced to remember God’s faithfulness, through Seth. I wrote, of my fears about Seth, the following:

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“At some point, I collapsed and could finally hear God. . . . As if He spoke directly into my soul, God reminded me that whatever issues Seth may have (insert list of "horribles") God will be with us. If we have to have tests and surgeries, God will be there. If we have times of struggle, God will be there too. When I feel like I can't do it as a single mom, God will step in. "I will never leave you nor forsake you," He said.”

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And shortly after that realization, I was reminded that God has a Plan, for all us – even our children, and that His plan will be okay. I know that sounds funny, but truly, it will be okay! I wrote this:

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“During the home study process, I was very open to whatever child God would have for me. Or so I thought. I'd take any race. Any age. Boy or girl. Any exposure to drugs and maybe even alcohol. But I was very specific that I could not handle and did not want a special needs child. I am single after all, I rationalized to my social worker, and if God has called me to adopt, surely He doesn't want it to be THAT hard for me. Hmmm. Interesting statements I made. See, God gave me a special needs baby despite my view of my own limitations. God gave me Seth with all of his glorious and, at times, painful issues. And I adore him. And I wouldn't change one thing about him. Not one. That's the definition of unconditional love. Sure, Seth's life is going to be a little more challenging than some other kids. . . . . But God is with him. God is with us. He's using Seth's "stuff" for our good and I pray every day that Seth would put his lessons through these trials to Kingdom use one day. God putting Seth in my life (a special needs child and the one thing I thought I couldn't handle) taught me that God knows and understands what we need better than we can ever know. God knows our deepest needs, our deepest desires, and the sum total of what we can handle. God knows.”

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Then, in December, I decided to launch my second adoption journey. Despite having learned these lessons about God and how He is using Seth for our good and His kingdom, I found myself praying for a “normal” child, without special needs of any kind. Perhaps unsurprisingly, as I look back, God put the adoption on hold.

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On January 11, God called me to pray for Seth, in his room. You may remember this post for while I prayed, God reminded me that "Seth is enough."

(http://conceivedinprayer.blogspot.com/2010/01/promptings.html )

At the time, I believed God was telling me Seth is enough, as my only child, and I was sad. It later became clear to me, however, that God had a different plan.

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As I continued to petition God about my life and my second child and this adoption, God and I had many good conversations. Here’s what I learned in those conversations:

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“As I talked to God about my hopes for more children and His promises to give me the desires of my heart and his command to care for orphans, interestingly, what I did not hear was the "no" I've been hearing. Instead God and I ended up talking about Seth's special needs and the potential special needs of a second child. More specifically, God pointed out to me in a clear way that I'm really afraid of having another child who has needs equal to or even greater than Seth.”

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I also said (and this is the amazing part):

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“See, when Noreen called about that first baby, it was pretty easy for me to look at that baby (figuratively) and say NO. But that baby, like all other orphans, needs a home too. Who is going to be the mother to the drug addicted? Who will parent the disabled? Who will love the baby with AIDS? Maybe, just maybe, God needs to work on my heart a little more before He allows me to proceed into this second adoption.”

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And, last but not least, God explained his “Seth is enough” comment. Seth, with all of his issues, is enough -- A beautiful child of my heart who I adore and would never want to change. My next child, no matter what his or her issues are, will be enough! My realization led to this:

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“God and I are in this parenting thing together and whatever issues come up, we can handle them. If God gives me another special needs child, OKAY. If God gives me a VERY special needs child? OKAY! See maybe God isn't saying no to this adoption after all, but is working on me and my heart to understand that Seth is enough, with his issues, and the next baby will also be enough no matter what comes.”

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That was January 27. But that wasn’t the end. I couldn’t pull my adoption “off the shelf” throughout the spring. I just didn’t feel like God had given me the go ahead. The answer was still, “wait.” And a lot of that had to do with my health. Do I think God allowed me to feel crummy so I wouldn’t go forward with an adoption before I met Betty? I don’t know, but maybe. In my flesh, I wanted to proceed in February and probably would have my second wee one by now. But that’s not how it happened. Instead, I was on hold until my trip to Uganda, and now I see all kinds of green lights from God – every shade of the rainbow! I just need to catch up and make sure my heart is right! I don’t want to enter into this flippantly or without caution or on a whim. I intend to worship God with my heart, soul, and mind. And then, I will run. :-)

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One more thing. You may remember that I was on a search for the verse of the journey when this blog began. I couldn't find one I loved, so we used Seth's: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer." Still love that verse. (Rom. 12:12) Well, this morning, through an amazing Word at our church, I have the new verse -- a good word whether Seth and I go forward alone or if Betty (or some other second child) joins us: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5: 6-7.

Where we are

It is hard to believe I've been back for ten days already. I still feel a little bit like a stranger in a foreign land, but that feeling is subsiding. (Not thrilled about that...)

Seth and I have been praying for Betty. It is very cute to hear Seth say, "Betty." He has no idea he's talking about a munchkin half-way around the world and just one short year younger than he is! (Probably a good thing for now -- ha).

Here's the Betty update: I am in touch with her orphanage. They are being completely cooperative and are compiling her medical records for my review. I hope to have those next week and sit with an infectious disease doctor soon. I am also in touch with my Ugandan attorney who gave me a list of things I need to complete the adoption. If you saw my post entitled, "Ugandan Adoptions" you may wonder how this would work. Since Betty is positive, we would petition the Ugandan court for adoption rather than guardianship and, based on past experience, given Betty's health stuff, they will grant the adoption request. With an adoption order in hand, there is no issue getting a visa from the US embassy as Betty would be ours.

I looked back at my previous posts where I said Betty could be home in a few weeks. Hmm. True from Uganda's perspective, but not the US! I spoke to the agency who did my home study and we have to tweak it for an International adoption and then get DCFS to issue an International license (I'm apparently approved for domestic children but not International. Go figure). Then the USCIS approval. That was a little frustrating to hear but I know God wants to give me some time to have my heart and my family's hearts ready for this new challenge. So bring on the wait! Looks more like Fall now. In the meantime, I have my last meeting for the home study on Monday (no wait there!). And we can proceed in Uganda so that as soon as the US is ready, I will have the adoption order in Uganda! God is opening some doors, and fast.

On that note, as I've considered bringing home Betty, it has caused me to think about my health too and whether/how this makes sense. I'm doing immensely better and am sooo grateful for your many, many prayers. Some weirdness lingers so, on Wednesday, I called my neurologist to see if we could run one more test to put my brain at ease. Low and behold he had an opening SAME DAY. I went that afternoon, spent an hour, and BAM. I'm totally normal. Yippee! So another thing checked off my list. Praise the Lord!

There are many strange and marvelous things happening in this second adoption journey and, as soon as I think I know how it will "end" (begin) God continues to make clear that He's in control, not me. So I'm trusting that whatever He has for us is His best. Thank God for the peace I have in that!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

HIV Positive

Things I've learned about HIV this week:

• Having an HIV positive child in your house poses almost no risk to anyone else in the home. We're talking really no risk. (Check out the Positively Adopted badge on the right)
• With treatment, people who are HIV positive are living almost as long as those without the disease.
• HIV is NOT spread through saliva, tears, sweat, urine or feces.
• HIV is so controlled these days that most states do not require disclosure of the disease to schools, day cares, etc. WOW!
• One mom, with an HIV positive child from Eastern Europe, said that within a few weeks of being on the right cocktail, her daughter's HIV is undetectable in her blood. AMEN!

I'm going to meet with an infectious disease doctor as soon as I have more info on Betty. And I'm praying on. But I did have to buy a little sundress at Target yesterday.... just never thought I'd have a girl and need to see how that feels. :-)

I think bringing home Betty would be hard and rewarding. As she grows up, it could be heart-breaking. She may never marry (although there are ways....) but as I said to my mom, doesn't that make me her perfect mom? I mourn that same loss! God is funny that way. We shall see!

Reverse Culture Shock

It hasn't been all that easy to transition back home after this trip. Sure, I was (and am!) thrilled to see Seth and my parents. And sure, it was nice to have a hot shower with water pressure or to be able to talk to Rene on the phone when she called to get the scoop. I like all of those things. But more than any of that, I'm kind of disgusted with my life here. I found myself angry that no one looked at me or waved or smiled after I parked my car and walked to work this morning. I was sick at the thought that, for the price that I would pay to park downtown today, some Ugandans would live for a month. I looked at all of Seth's things (and mine) and I felt guilty. I am truly in shock to be home. So, I decided to make some changes. Now. Lord, help me to keep this feeling and not lose the value of life beyond the quest for money and things that has so swallowed up this country -- self included. Help me to keep my eyes on the only ONE that matters.

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I thought it would be fun for you to see the sights of Uganda from our car ride. Check it out on the video below. It's kind of fast, but you get the idea. These people, living in these conditions, are JOYFUL. Kind. Friendly. Loving. CONTENT. Makes you wonder, eh?

Observations on Uganda

Uganda is green and lush and beautiful. Not what I expected.

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Ugandans are gorgeous. Perhaps the most beautiful people I've ever seen. Their features are perfect and skin is a deep, dark brown. As dark as it can be.

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Kampala is busy with more taxis (little buses) than one can imagine. Traffic is crazy and it can take forever to go just a few miles.

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Many Ugandans are poor and have less than we could fathom living with. And yet, they are joyful -- the friendliest people/country I've ever visited. Everyone waves and smiles and greets you. Several Americans living in Africa have visited other African countries and told us that Uganda is the most friendly of all the countries.

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In the midst of poverty, Lake Victoria is breathtaking.

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Many of the children who live on the streets have hearts of gold and want to do right and want to grow up to be one of the many "uncles" who mentor them.

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There is a war for the heart of Uganda. While majority Christian, Muslim missionaries are fighting hard to grab the heart of the country. Pray for Uganda.

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God is working in Uganda -- through countless people and organizations from around the world. It's easy to see how people fall in love with Uganda and go back. I will go back. WE will go.

Street Kids

We spent Friday afternoon helping out at the street kid program. This Christian program works with boys that live on the streets, in the slums. The men and women that volunteer in the program are "uncles"and "aunties". It's a great program, giving hope to the hopeless.

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The Friday program starts with learning some English in a one hour class. After the classroom work, they play. We taught them to do the limbo (some of them are really good!) and then organized a couple of soccer games. After playing, the boys came into a covered area where food was being prepared for them to eat. (They get three hot meals a week through the program). The boys also sleep under this pavilion area and the organization hires guards to keep the boys safe. While we were at the kids program, I met Mark. I will point him out in the pictures I'm posting later. He was so much fun. We played and talked and goofed off together. He translated from English to Lugandan when we introduced ourselves. Very impressive! Just before we left, he gave me a necklace which I will treasure. I'm going to write to him through Jess so I can hear what's going on with him -- the sweet boy who lives on the streets and fends for himself. God be with him. Use him for Your will.

Betty -- Part Two

I spent a few hours with Betty on Thursday. She is a funny girl. She has a house mama nearly all to herself (wow!) so she is a little spoiled. (Imagine that at an orphanage....). She appears to be the right size for an 18 month old, that is, she doesn't look small to me. Maybe a little, but not abnormally. I met with the orphanage director when I got there. He was sweet and told me, "you know, she could die". Um, yes. I know that. He told me Betty's story and how she was very sick before meds and now, on anti-viral, she is thriving and meeting milestones. He then asked me to meet with her nurse who assured me she is doing great. Then off to play. Betty is happy and loves to hug her teddy bear. She babbles some but it is hard for me to tell if it is abnormal or just sounds different because Ugandan sounds different. (HIV in young kids can cause brain damage). After a couple of hours together, we had to go. Betty was NOT happy about that. She chased me down the stairs and wailed when we tried to walk away. I decided to carry her into the playground so other kids would distract her from my departure. It worked. For her......

The weird thing is that I have met dozens of adorable children on this trip. Beautiful and healthy. Normal. Betty is cute but she is damaged by the disease and it shows. She is far from the cutest baby I saw and even further from the healthiest. But she's the one that's in my heart. (Sigh).

I met with an adoption attorney on Saturday. Despite legal issues with adoption in Uganda (more on that in a separate post) the attorney told me that I would get an immediate order for adoption (not guardianship) for Betty and a fast Visa given her health. She could be home in a matter of weeks after my decision.

So I pray on. Trusting God will make this clear and soon. Because if Betty is my "Leah Grace" the sooner she gets home the better.

There are no black people here

When I was 20 and 21, during college, I nannied for an African-American family in California during my summers. I worked for a great couple and their two wonderful kiddos. The first year I was there, Niki was 8 and Deric was 5. What fun we had!!

I remember one family outing -- riding a train North from the Bay area to a museum or a park or something along those lines. While I don't recall the purpose of our trip, I will always remember what five-year-old Deric said. We were sitting in the train station, watching people mill around, when Deric declared, "There are no black people here". Hmm, I thought as I quickly looked around. He has a point. We were in a pretty lilly white area. I told Deric that I agreed that in this area, there weren't many people with brown skin like him. Observant little buggar!

I've thought about that story a lot lately. In a few short hours, I leave for Uganda. I've wondered on this blog about living and working in Africa. That would make white skin the minority and Seth's beautiful brown skin the norm. But whether we move to Africa or not, Deric taught me an important lesson twenty years ago: in general, we are most comfortable relating to people who are like us. It's just the way it is. And like it or not, skin color still matters in this country. As Seth's mama, I need to keep this issue forefront in my mind, always working to keep Seth in places where he sees people like him and doesn't always have to feel different. Until we reach heaven, where all of this will seem so trivial. :-)

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"for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, [black nor white] for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." Galatians 3:27-29

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

From one crazy duo to all of our friends!

Modern Day Prodigal Son

I hope you will take the time to read this inspiring story of a real-life prodigal son, written by a young woman living and serving in Uganda. I wept as I read this amazing story of hope and faith and answers to prayer!

http://ti-blan.livejournal.com/40310.html

Thank you, God, for hearing the cries of this mother!

And while you're at it, read this one too. God's ways are not always ours.....

http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/05/marie-lourdes.html

Hmmm

I spend most of my days, now, getting ready for Uganda and dreaming about what this long-awaited trip might hold for me. Mom told me a few days ago that it has been more like 25 years since I first expressed a passion about Africa. So, this has been a long time coming!

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I have been a lawyer for 12 years. That just seems weird to me. It doesn't seem nearly that long. And as I explained to a friend over lunch today, I've had a wild ride of a career. I started as a Federal Prosecutor shortly after I finished law school -- Federal jury trials, investigations, appellate arguments, working with agents. It was a whirlwind of a great job! Then it was off to the newly created Inspector General's office where I was the number two in an office of (eventually) 46 employees, conducting investigations around the State and advising the Governor. After that, I joined Latham (my current firm) where I work on criminal defense and internal investigations for companies. All around, another great position.

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But over these 12 years, I've often felt my heart being drawn toward other things. Toward non-profit work or back to government work. Something that matters. Something that makes a difference. That journey led me to International Justice Mission (IJM) which is based in DC. You can check them out here: http://www.ijm.org/. It's a great organization with many lawyers who share my background! I've applied a couple of times for positions in DC and was told they really want me to go overseas for a couple of years first. (Darn, I thought, I'm not called to move overseas!)

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As my heart has been more and more pricked by God on these topics, I've become more open to other opportunities. I always keep my eye on IJM and what openings they have -- just in case.

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So yesterday, I was at my desk and thinking, "Hmm. I haven't checked up on IJM lately. I should see what openings they currently have. I wonder if they work in Uganda. If they had a posting for an attorney in Uganda, that might just be a God thing." I went to the website, and BAM. There, staring me in the face, is a posting for a Deputy Director in Uganda. Immediate opening. Hmmm.

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I'm not even sure where to put that or what to say about it, but I'm starting to pray now. I can create my list of reasons why I "can't" move to Uganda (or anywhere out of the country) and some of the reasons are good -- like our family is here and Seth needs to be close with Grandma and Papa. That's just the first in a long list.... But I also know God is bigger than all of that so I'm trying to trust that His plan is better and we'll see where it all goes.

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Lead on, Spirit, lead on.

More Adoption Thoughts

Is it semantics? Or is it a problem? I ask myself that a lot about adoption issues, particularly when the typical strange adoption questions or statements arise: How much did he cost? (Duh!). Where is he from? (Um, Chicago, where we live). Seth is so blessed; I'm so glad you saved him! (Really?!?!). This is Deb's adopted son, Seth. (Can he just be "my son?")

You see, I struggle with semantics because I think each of these issues can be addressed in a different (and more respectful) way: Can we discuss the fees associated with adoption? (Sure. I can point you to some helpful websites). Is your son adopted? (Yes, he is). Where did you adopt from? (The good ol' U. S. of A.). You and Seth must be a real blessing to one another. (You betcha!!)

I think the worst of the above may be this idea that I saved Seth. If you read the news these days, there is some fodder about Sandra Bullock "saving" her newly adopted son. I think that African-Americans in particular cringe at this "white savior" mentality that can get foisted on a family who adopts transracially, and I understand their concerns! It's not that I don't think Seth's life is different than it otherwise may have been, or that International orphans aren't better off here with forever families rather than in an orphanage with dozens of other children. Of course those things are true. I think my objection is that saying I "saved" Seth or that Sandra saved her son is that it somehow places us above others -- particularly others of a different race. It should not. At base, I think it is a remnant of the racial strife this country has faced, and I'm very concerned about inadvertently perpetuating that stigma. God commands us to care for orphans. We abide. Does that make us special? Or "saviors"? Nope. It makes us obedient. Does following God's other commands somehow elevate our position over others? Worthy of being called a savior? I think not.

Adoption can be a touchy thing. I don't want it to be. But the reality is that as Seth gets older, he will understand some of these comments and they could hurt him. If he thinks I "purchased" him, he may think I paid his birth mother enough to get him. Or that he is "valued" at some identifiable number. Ick.

Or what if Seth thinks I saved him? Or that he's "sooo blessed" that I adopted him? It might mean that I'm not broken. Maybe even that I don't need a Savior! Couldn't be further from the truth.....

So I appreciate people who try to use the right language and try to be loving to Seth and me, speaking respectfully of our family. We have no interest in being a spectacle. We just want to be a family.

:-)

Adoptions galore!

My friend Carissa and her family just passed court in Ethiopia so they can finally bring home their daughter, Giana Helen! I'm so excited for her (and them)! Maybe we could go to Africa together. I do have to stop in Ethiopia. . . . . :-)

Check out beautiful Giana here:

http://legacyandjourney.blogspot.com/.

Yahooooo!

Uganda

I recently happened onto this website, which includes a blog: http://sixtyfeet.org/. Oh dear. This is heart-wrenching! To think that I will be in Uganda shortly and may witness some of this hard stuff. Ugh! My heart is not ready.....

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But that's not the whole story on Uganda. In preparing for my trip, I've also corresponded with a couple of women doing great things there. One, Roxanne, is working with widows in a sewing group. She directs an organization that has helped resource and train directors and staff from more than 70 orphan homes and community programs throughout the country in the last two years. What a great contact! And Liz. She founded an organization called Sseko Designs. You can check them out here: http://www.ssekodesigns.com/. Liz and Sseko work with young women who want to attend the university. These women work at Sseko and make sandals in between the completion of their secondary education and University work. That way, the women have a way to pay for their education! What a wonderful idea! And the folks at Sixty Feet. . . . well, they are all over it!

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In the midst of hard stuff there are successes and I hope to remember that while I'm there. Lord, keep working in Uganda!