Since bringing her home, Leah has become more and more "helpful." She tries to change her diaper. She wants to wash the dishes. And cut her own food. And sweep the floor. And clean the litter box. And wash her cloths, clean the toilet, make her bed, dress Seth, and just about every other adult activity you could dream up. It's cute, but it also greatly slows down the process of getting anything done around here. (Sigh) I wonder sometimes how much of it is Leah trying to control something, anything, in her environment since she was for so long without control (in some ways) and in complete control (in other ways).
Leah's very "helpful" nature these days got me thinking about my relationship with Jesus. I think anyone who has been a parent for a while sees the connections between parenting and our relationship with God. I wonder how often God sighs and wonders when I will let go of my strangle hold and allow Him to work. I wonder if He wants me to let go of control so His glory can be shown. I wonder, even, if He could work miracles faster in my life if I could just. let. go. I wonder.
Trust does not come easy for me. On the surface, it may appear I trust easily and quickly, but the truth is that I am much more comfortable controlling what's going on in my world. Or thinking I'm controlling it. Sigh (again). So just like a year ago with
the puddle, I find myself amazed at how like a two year old I am. Wanting to control things so I feel safe. Wanting to "help" God work when it's the last thing He needs. Wanting to "make" my life what I want rather than waiting on God to speak. And then when He does speak, or nudge, or move, I find myself wondering how that could possibly be right. Oh brother.
Don't get me wrong; it's sometimes hard for me to know the difference between my inner most desires and God's voice. But the closer I am to Him, the easier it is to know the difference and the better I am at waiting and taking my hands off the wheel. As I grow and learn and walk this walk of faith, I pray it becomes even easier to know His voice. More of You; less of me, Lord.
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song." Psalm 28:7
"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." Psalm 37:5-6
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3
