Attachment

Last summer, while I was in the process of deciding whether to adopt Leah and then while we were all praying her home, I spent a great deal of time trying to identify the issues that might arise when bringing a toddler home. While Leah could hardly be considered an "older child" adoption, my only experience was with Seth who I picked up from the hospital at birth. One of the obvious issues is attachment and I set out to read as much as I could on the topic. From articles to books to Internet sites and blogs, I soaked it all in and prayed "that" would not be our cross. Last week, we went to the Erickson Institute to discuss attachment, among other things, in my continuing quest to make sure that I give Leah the best start I can.

Since we picked up Leah from the orphanage, I've tried to implement some of the things I learned in my reading about attachment. I didn't enforce the "no one may help her but me" rule that many books suggest, but I did spend lots of time holding her and playing with her. We bathed, rocked, and snuggled. Together. We still do. Our Angel made great suggestions and I used many of them.

Yesterday was my first day back to work after a generous maternity leave. Hard. For me. I got home at about 5:30 and Leah lost it. She cried for the next hour and I was NOT allowed to put her down. She rallied later but went to bed upset. This morning, as I struggled to get ready for day two, she wailed. "Hold you!!! Hold you!!!!". I furiously tried to throw my clothes on and look presentable so I had time to oblige. Then Eveline arrived. Leah sobbed. She clung to me with her arm tightly wrapped around my neck, begging me not to go. Wrenching. But I had to.

When Eveline peeled her off my neck (yea, that was fun), I ran upstairs for final preparations. And took a deep sigh. This isn't easy. Few things in life really are.  But I rejoiced on the inside, knowing that some of my family's hard work is paying off and Leah has attached. No, it's not a "done deal" and I will continue to seek help as we need it to give her the best life possible. But Leah is well on her way and is strongly a Steiner. Praise the Lord! And yet, my heart hurts. . . .   :)