There are days when I struggle with "bad" what-if's. The what-if's always seem to strike without warning and when I least suspect it. It's really just another way of worrying or, frankly, failing to trust God with something. In adoptions, I think the what-if's are pretty common. They range, for me, from the serious to the mundane to the ridiculous.
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Some serious what-if's? What if he is autistic? What if she has to go through cocaine withdrawal? What if he has FAS? What if she is born with a major physical abnormality? What if we don't bond?
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The mundane? What if he isn't athletic (yawn)? What if she is overly shy? What if he is allergic to animals? What if she has colic?
The mundane? What if he isn't athletic (yawn)? What if she is overly shy? What if he is allergic to animals? What if she has colic?
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And, yes, the ridiculous. What if she's not cute? What if he's not as tall as I am? What if she's not a straight A student?
And, yes, the ridiculous. What if she's not cute? What if he's not as tall as I am? What if she's not a straight A student?
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Oh brother. I went through all of these what-if's the last go 'round with Seth. It was when I said to my mentor Z, "What if s/he's ugly?" that she encouraged me I was ready for the adoption. Apparently, she said, all of the "big" questions had been answered and I was fixated on the ridiculous. She was right. (Thankfully I didn't get stuck on those superficial issues for long....).
Oh brother. I went through all of these what-if's the last go 'round with Seth. It was when I said to my mentor Z, "What if s/he's ugly?" that she encouraged me I was ready for the adoption. Apparently, she said, all of the "big" questions had been answered and I was fixated on the ridiculous. She was right. (Thankfully I didn't get stuck on those superficial issues for long....).
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But there's another, more important point here. Not one of us knows what tomorrow holds. "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come." (Mark 13:32-33) Not one of us has been promised a beautiful, healthy, successful, "perfect" child -- adopted or biological. No, God doesn't let us in on His plans for our lives with that type of specificity. What He does do, however, is make us promises about where He will meet us and what He will do and oh, how He loves His children!!
But there's another, more important point here. Not one of us knows what tomorrow holds. "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come." (Mark 13:32-33) Not one of us has been promised a beautiful, healthy, successful, "perfect" child -- adopted or biological. No, God doesn't let us in on His plans for our lives with that type of specificity. What He does do, however, is make us promises about where He will meet us and what He will do and oh, how He loves His children!!
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"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut. 31:8
"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut. 31:8
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"Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8
"Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8
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"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
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"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28
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"Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'" John 20:29
"Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.'" John 20:29
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"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-- whatever we ask-- we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-- whatever we ask-- we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15
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"But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."" Matt. 19:14
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Now that's a list of promises!! So when the bad what-if's creep in for me, I'm forced to remember these promises and remember that God is with us, whatever we face. Period. Even when it's not how we initially prayed. If God had told me the details of Seth's challenges before he was born, I might have panicked and I certainly would have re-thought my decision to accept the "match". Thank GOD that's not how it worked! I'm learning more than I can imagine from Seth's issues and I adore him. (Do I say that in every posting?). God is teaching me. I'm learning patience (after 39 long yrs of God being patient with my impatience....). I'm thinking more creatively about my parenting. And it would be impossible for me to love Seth more. (There it is again)
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This time around, I dare to dream just a little about that "perfect" child I wanted three years ago. I don't linger long there because, chances are, we'll have challenges this time around too. It's just the nature of these things. So I'm working on changing my bad what-if's (insert list of horribles) to a list of good what-if's that God might have for me. What if God wants to use this next child to grow me in completely new ways? What if God wants to give me a heart for the disabled? What if God wants to teach me, again, that He's in control? What if God wants to further humble me?
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I'm just saying.....
I'm just saying.....
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What if?????
What if?????
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