I realized something over the holidays: I am not an animal. I know that sounds funny, but stay with me. I am fully human, created by God with a complex brain that I will never understand. As a woman, I have the ability to take captive my thoughts (“We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ . . . .” 2 Corin. 10:5) and have the un-animal ability to control the wanderings of my over-active brain. I am not an animal. This may sound silly, or like something that you figured out a long time ago, but not me. For me, this realization was life changing. . . .
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In the late fall, after a few tough months, I was nearly out of good books to read. I inquired of a number of my friends about books they recently read, threw in a few others I heard about, and passed those lists along to my fam. Happily, I now have a nice new stack of books to read, and plenty of them will probably end up discussed here! One of the books I picked up is “One Month to Live -- Thirty Days to a Regrets-free Life.” I heard about this one on Moody radio and it fits right into my holiday realization.
In the late fall, after a few tough months, I was nearly out of good books to read. I inquired of a number of my friends about books they recently read, threw in a few others I heard about, and passed those lists along to my fam. Happily, I now have a nice new stack of books to read, and plenty of them will probably end up discussed here! One of the books I picked up is “One Month to Live -- Thirty Days to a Regrets-free Life.” I heard about this one on Moody radio and it fits right into my holiday realization.
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The idea of the book, which I’m a total of five days into (stay tuned), is that some of us might live a little differently if we recognized that we had limited time left – 30 days. This was a subtle part of my realization over the holidays, pre-book. See, there are things in this life that are hard. Really hard. People are hungry and hurting; soldiers are dying; children are parentless; relationships are broken; sickness is everywhere; war abounds; evil grows. There are things in my life that are hard: Seth’s medical challenges and what those mean for him in school and life. His surgeries. My own silly medical stuff. And failed dating relationships.
The idea of the book, which I’m a total of five days into (stay tuned), is that some of us might live a little differently if we recognized that we had limited time left – 30 days. This was a subtle part of my realization over the holidays, pre-book. See, there are things in this life that are hard. Really hard. People are hungry and hurting; soldiers are dying; children are parentless; relationships are broken; sickness is everywhere; war abounds; evil grows. There are things in my life that are hard: Seth’s medical challenges and what those mean for him in school and life. His surgeries. My own silly medical stuff. And failed dating relationships.
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If you know me, you know that I’m no stranger to expressing my feelings. I’ve never been good at faking anything. If you want to know how I “really” feel, look at my face (or my sleeve). The answer is right there. BUT (and this is what I’m learning) I do have some control over how long those emotions spin out of control. In the fall, I was grieving a rejection that cut me deeply in addition to having an overly packed medical agenda for Seth and me. I was so sad and I allowed that sadness to steal four months of my life. That is not okay! As I type, nothing has changed in my circumstances – I’m still single without prospects, and Seth and I still have medical challenges ahead. And yet, something has changed. I have uncovered (again) my joy.
If you know me, you know that I’m no stranger to expressing my feelings. I’ve never been good at faking anything. If you want to know how I “really” feel, look at my face (or my sleeve). The answer is right there. BUT (and this is what I’m learning) I do have some control over how long those emotions spin out of control. In the fall, I was grieving a rejection that cut me deeply in addition to having an overly packed medical agenda for Seth and me. I was so sad and I allowed that sadness to steal four months of my life. That is not okay! As I type, nothing has changed in my circumstances – I’m still single without prospects, and Seth and I still have medical challenges ahead. And yet, something has changed. I have uncovered (again) my joy.
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You see, what I learned in December is that I can sit around and think about how I was rejected and why that happened and how it resulted in a tough fall. Or about how my newish car got wrecked and my electricity was popping and (seemingly) prepared to blow up my house on Christmas and how many doctors I have yet to see. Or how hard it is that I’m still single and how it would be better for Seth to have a Daddy and me a partner in crime (ha). OR I can live this life doing the things that I know honor and glorify God and make me happy – all of which result in JOY. For me, that’s adopting God’s children. “Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans.” Isaiah 1:17. There is not one place in my life where I am happier, more fulfilled, and more in the center of God’s will than when I am with my son or when I dream about my future children. Period. Nowhere else.
You see, what I learned in December is that I can sit around and think about how I was rejected and why that happened and how it resulted in a tough fall. Or about how my newish car got wrecked and my electricity was popping and (seemingly) prepared to blow up my house on Christmas and how many doctors I have yet to see. Or how hard it is that I’m still single and how it would be better for Seth to have a Daddy and me a partner in crime (ha). OR I can live this life doing the things that I know honor and glorify God and make me happy – all of which result in JOY. For me, that’s adopting God’s children. “Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans.” Isaiah 1:17. There is not one place in my life where I am happier, more fulfilled, and more in the center of God’s will than when I am with my son or when I dream about my future children. Period. Nowhere else.
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If I had thirty days left to live, I would be doing what I’m doing right now. I would love on Seth. I would adopt another child. I would dwell on those things I can’t change a lot less. I would move forward and stop looking back (see Lot’s wife, the pillar of salt). I would live in JOY.
If I had thirty days left to live, I would be doing what I’m doing right now. I would love on Seth. I would adopt another child. I would dwell on those things I can’t change a lot less. I would move forward and stop looking back (see Lot’s wife, the pillar of salt). I would live in JOY.
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That’s not an easy undertaking! For about three weeks, I’ve been doing great. I smile more. I laugh easily. I look in the mirror and see someone different. I have hope. And maybe that’s the bottom line. Hope. Hope is forward looking. Hope is expectant. Hope is hopeful. :-) While there is a lot of pain and suffering in this life, I’m choosing to live like there is no tomorrow, because, frankly, there may not be! I’ve taken captive my negative thoughts and I choose not to dwell on the past or on the pain of this world. Sure, life is hard, and I pray my heart continues to break for the things that break God's heart. And yes, there will be more hard times in our family. I will still grieve and cry out and refuse to fake it. That’s just me; and I believe it’s also the way God taught us to experience this life – Fully in the moment, but not stuck in the moment, looking forward with hope to His plan for us. His plan for me. I still have 25 days of the book left to read (there is one chapter per day) and, Lord willing, 60 years of putting into practice my holiday realization. :-)
That’s not an easy undertaking! For about three weeks, I’ve been doing great. I smile more. I laugh easily. I look in the mirror and see someone different. I have hope. And maybe that’s the bottom line. Hope. Hope is forward looking. Hope is expectant. Hope is hopeful. :-) While there is a lot of pain and suffering in this life, I’m choosing to live like there is no tomorrow, because, frankly, there may not be! I’ve taken captive my negative thoughts and I choose not to dwell on the past or on the pain of this world. Sure, life is hard, and I pray my heart continues to break for the things that break God's heart. And yes, there will be more hard times in our family. I will still grieve and cry out and refuse to fake it. That’s just me; and I believe it’s also the way God taught us to experience this life – Fully in the moment, but not stuck in the moment, looking forward with hope to His plan for us. His plan for me. I still have 25 days of the book left to read (there is one chapter per day) and, Lord willing, 60 years of putting into practice my holiday realization. :-)
God help me to keep my eyes on YOU and no one else. Keep me focused. Keep me single-minded. And when I get wrapped up into unhealthy thinking about things that aren’t eternal, help me ask myself, what if you had just thirty days left???
1 comment:
You have articulated so well so many thoughts I've struggled with in your last post and this one. Taking my thoughts captive has always been a challenge, and I too wear my heart on my sleeve. Thanks for the encouraging verses and the encouraging words!
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